[in_it]

You're exactly right, Papa. I do think it only hurts the spouse. Like you said-you can't tell how you know something or confront it & the WAS gets to continue on while we are left hurt with no one to talk to about it.

I've restrained myself so far from snooping & think I can continue that path. I've made it since BD in Dec without doing it, so I think I'm good. It did suck to walk in on him leaving that message. I wish I could've turned right around & not heard any of it. If there is a next time I will make myself be stronger & walk away. I don't really think I would want to know what's in all those texts anyhow. It most certainly would not help me when trying so hard to act "as if".

There have been a few other times I've overheard him. I try to just take it with a grain of salt.

Thank you for the support. Focusing on myself is most important right now. I've done really well at this. The changes I have made have been for me & are real. That's the only way to make them last. H has said to me that he sees this & they are not going unnoticed. My biggest change has been self confidence. It's crazy that something so devastating can help make a person more confident. For the first week or so after BD I thought I would never come out of the numbness I was in. Now I'm more confident than I've ever been.