She has engaged in EA's in the past, she refuses to work on the M, you're in a sexless, loveless M by your W's choice and she therefore has violated the M covenants. That's enough to justify your desire for S or D without even bringing up OM.
I am of course not condoning S or D, DB'ing is all about trying to save the M. I'm just saying that if you want to pursue that then I don't think you should force an ugly curb-side confrontation.
AS, agree with you whole heartedly on the confrontation point but would appreciate it if you could comment more on the rest given that my sitch is similar - minus the EAs (I think at least).
Certainly not enjoying the current setup w/my W and am continuing to try and "stand". I continue to think that's what I signed up for in the vows, staring a family etc.....
Are you saying that it is ok to move on because a spouse is not living up to their end of the M covenant? And if MLC is involved is it a choice?
No, I was afraid someone might interpret it that way but that is not at all what I was saying. I can't remember whose thread that quote was from, but in their case they were talking about confronting their W at OM's house with evidence of the affair in order to force a showdown. I was simply pointing out that IF they want to force a showdown, they don't even need evidence of an affair to do so.
As far as moving on, that's up to each individual. My personal thoughts on this (and not all here agree) is that if your W has left you and doesn't want to work on the M, then it is totally up to you as to how long you want to stand. For some it's a week, for some a month, for some it's years. There have been quite a few people here who have said they're moving on, and I NEVER criticize them for that decision, but I do tell them to give themselves time to make absolutely sure that's what they want. Because I thought that I wanted to move on and file D myself, but I gave myself another month to think about it only to discover I wasn't so sure that's what I wanted after all. If you're properly detached, there is nothing wrong with limbo. I hear people say "I can't stand being in limbo, I've got to do something, I want this over." People who say that are NOT detached. Because if you're detached, you're living your life and things your spouse says/ does do not impact you and thus limbo is not a painful thing.
