(legal disclaimer: i've got some comments - but KNOW it's coming from me- a lbs who is hurt & can't fathom how decent men turn off their decency and embark on a route that tries to destroy someone that loved them) UH HEM - ANYWAY:
it is an amazing little document to read - it amazes me that he writes this stuff down and is able to articulate . (i've never loved a man that can actually "speak" honestly like that about his feelings) to me- (pollyanna that i admittedly am) I'd think it means he's still alive in there somewhere and wanting to communicate with you- WANTING you to UNDERSTAND, wanting you to not be feeling like the cause of anything- wanting you to KNOW how highly he thinks of you- wanting you to be OKAY somehow despite his sinking into his own particular abyss. again, shade my comments with my own totally, non-speaking H sitch.
I say amazing because my H does not communicate about one single thing- not good - not bad - not what's up with him- not how he thinks it makes me feel- NOTHING AT ALL. EVER (well, aside from his very very effusive "I care for you a great deal" - THAT IS ALL (WTF??) CAN you spare it? - i construe it as total total non-caring IN EVERY way shape and form. . he's soooo unable to talk of feelings if they are real and serious. he can slather all sorts of crap around to people who don't matter really. he is all "the show". he is sooooooo UNABLE ........ to give or get understanding- to talk about feelings - actions - or maybe even want it. (understanding) soooo needy to keep himself to himself- wtf is the prize here??? you end up with what? yourself - big whoop! i'm such a "group-person" - he played with bugs when he was little- i had 4 sisters - ta da!
your H wanting you to understand - this seems huge to me -. I get it that it doesn't fix anything for you to understand what's going on inside him- BUT - the fact that he wants you to know what it is- IS THAT something or nothing really to you? does it show you something about him that he WANTS YOU TO? are you sick of hearing him talk about HIM??? i'm trying to gain insight here about myself thru you and your sitch here maybe while you are trying to also - so that's why i'm asking when i comment. (hope that's okay- . I know it's not the same- but it's interesting
(H accuses me alllllll the time of "needing to feel understood" - it pisses him off- he can't stand that i explain (anything).") (he f'ing picked me that way - who i am(was) an explainer) but now- he hates it - - when we're disconnected and he can't stand to know how i feel.
i'm trying to stop- possibly it's a huge flaw I have - do you feel like that when you read YOUR H'S "explanation"? do you feel mad that he's bothering to tell you yet again HOW HE FEELS. DOES IT MAKE YOU FEEL like it's all about him? i WONDER- maybe he, like me - feels like he doesn't want you to think it's you, or hurt you or you think it's easy or casual for him- (something like tht?) we're opposite ends i know
he probably feels judged harshly for things "beyond his control" (well- hard for him to control). in the end- we all could control ourselves couldn't we??? if we really tried hard?
your h's letter - i'd think that is a decent streak in there - (mind you- he does not just stop hurting you) ..... this is where i lose "touch" with these mlc guys. either you want to hurt someone and you do- or you stop it - whatever way you can. you extricate yourself to let the other person go away and be happy without you. you don't keep in their face and life & torment them with your betrayal and distance.
my h is a solitary jerked up guy- BUT when i read your H's stuff - he sounds incredibly "messed up" but still wants to reassure you- still wants you to feel secure
i'm not sayin you have alot of hope for the future of this man or with this man- i thnk we've both agreed a million times it's best for US to let it go and detach as best we can. only way to endure it all and go forward in any sense without losing our own marbles.
HOWEVER - IM just commenting off the top of my head- frommy own particular little black hole here. okay?
gotta blow- company imminent- hope i mde sense- i need to think on this and reread it- it's surely "someting" to hear inside his head'
