It is like she wants to continue the life we had, but be free of all burdens of being involved with me directly. She wants to be friends with me [b]on her terms, not truly a friend for me, but she wishes for me to be a friend to her. That is simply something I cannot offer. I cannot be a doormat that is reminded constantly about how she is leaving me to move on with her life. [/b] again, you put yourself in a "Win or Lose" situation. Why? How is she asking you to be a friend to her but NOT her to you? Why do you put it that way?
What evidence is there to support that?
what's with "cannot be a doormat"? Who asked you to be a doormat??
Look, If she wanted NO contact with you, you would complain that you "deserve more or better from her, and that you are co parents, with a d!!!, etc" You would be angry at her!
and btw, YOU SAID you wanted to be friends.
Now, her wanting to be friends with you, is selfish and crappy of her b/c---because, b/c she does not also want to be your wife. Oh, gee how horribly unfair of her...
You put this in a win/lose contest AND you set her up for losing b/c no matter what she chooses, she's wrong and you are right.
of course she wants to be friends "on her terms". She does not know what your terms are and frankly, neither do I.
Do YOU know what being friends with her would look like? B/C I sure don't.
You can say "everyone ELSE is uncomfortable with her NOT just me" all you want.
I have to assume YOU have shared or allowed information to be shared that reflects poorly on her. Heck, we know that.
And my impression of you as a h is all from your first thread or two. I highlighted sections in which you mentioned things YOU said or did and that she did NOT generally do those things.
You were not "confessing" or rather, you did not seem to realize what an idictment it was of how long you had treated her poorly and sometimes really badly. At the time you said SHE would say you liked fighting too much but You used the word "like to argue a lot and enjoy being right" or words to that effect.
YOU also said you were "too critical" and "too negative".
I feel strongly that you are too negative from your many comments to that effect, here.
You project it onto her, and onto others and you find complaints about her or flaws in her, often. You have for a long time and you still do.
You may deny it and gloss over it or mention how great you were in other, generic ways, but what I pick up on is a man who was negative, critical and hard to be around to/for HER...
but is fun to his friends...a man who wants to be better to the woman in his life but does not know his way back.
Your love for her is there but like her love for you, it's buried under hurt feelings of rejection even while intellectually seeing how it all happened...
your love is under layers of wounded pride and anger at many things...not all of her making. Until you learn to work through all that, I suspect any woman close to you in your life will be resented at some level.
not sure why I get that feeling, but I do. Might be way off...just a gut check.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
