Letting Go & Moving Forward

[littleGTO]

Okay, came on tonight and read all the great feedback and advice you all had for me. So, thank you!!

You're right,AS, I'm not even close to being done. I just so want this roller coaster ride to STOP! And, I do know I need to detach. Obviously I've not done a good job with this at all.

I have reflected on WHY I had such an emotional reaction to my boys' C last week when she pushed the whole "visitation" thing. #1- I thought H & I had been working through this ourselves fairly well. #2- She is not our MC & I did not see that conversation coming from her in a million years. #3 I fear losing my full-time mom role- plain & simple.

BUt, I can see that having the boys ALL the time is draining me...I am simply going through the motions of life and not finding any real enjoyment day to day. I am NOT engaging w my boys regularly like I used to & I feel awful b/c I am with them so much.

When I brought up the whole "one night/day per weekend" that H mentioned during the C session he backpedaled. He didn't seem to really want that, nor is his apartment set up to have the boys regularly (no beds at all for them). I asked if he wanted to take them this Friday night and he said "no, I have an early morning (8am) conference to get to."

While this is true, he is going w OW- ALL DAY, ON A SATURDAY. WHICH HE HAS NEVER DONE IN HIS ENTIRE CAREER! I'm trying not to think about it, but when he uses it as an excuse not to have the boys, well....

GAL--I am going to play VB Friday night for the first time since, well h.s., I think! I used to be a good little players but that was many, many years ago! I just hope I don't hurt myself!

Oh, and I agree that my boys NEED to see their dad! He sees them every day after school. And, most times sees them both Sat and Sun on the weekends. So, I am NOT keeping the boys from him or him from the boys at all. He's never asked to have the boys over where I didn't let him (both times).

In two weeks the boys have April vacation from school & H will be spending the weekdays with them every day all day. I am happy the boys will have so much time with him. I think they really need it. Then the week after I have a vacation from work (time didn't work out for me to have the same week), so I don't know what I'm going to do, but I will GAL!!!! I'll have to start planning!!

Thanks again for all the great feedback. I love you guys for the amazing support you offer me here!!!