Of Feral Cats, and All That

[TSquared2]

Greetings,

Due to the family illness, which we are still fighting the last of the illness hangover, not much to report. W and I were both sick, and we ended up being very tolerant, patient, even gracious to each other and getting done what needed to get done without heavy expectations.

I have had to remind myself that when I am ill, my perceptions and patience are severely reduced...the "sitch weariness" laid heavy on me, but I managed self-control.

Starsky posted just what I needed to hear today:

When I reconciled with my wife after hear affair, I quickly decided that I couldn't demand RESULTS right away, and I CERTAINLY couldn't expect her FEELINGS to return immediately.

But I damned sure expected her EFFORT. That's what I tried to focus on, as I knew the feelings would take months to even a couple of years to return. But I doubt I could have remained in the marriage if she hadn't shown me her committed effort. Effort, honesty, transparency.

I do see the effort...slow as the rest is, but effort is there. I know she is still in withdrawal from the OMs and the "other life", hasn't been that long after all...and in a bit of mlc withdrawal phase I guess processing her stuff and past actions. But I really don't know...and that's okay right now.
She let on before how it made her feel to look at her empty inbox, so I email her something every morning...tame, safe, supportive (I wish I could be more "fun", replace the OMs that way, but not yet) and then let her drive any further communication.

I know this is another critical stage, so doing my best to STFU, be positive, supportive, understanding...but it does have its toll, especially when weakened by illness and over-work...but that is a temporary state of affairs.

Though I haven't been commenting much, I have been keeping up with everyone's sitches. Guess that's about it tonight.

T^2