If S's Dr. is thinking about another therapist, which is the direction I would go, then perhaps a very slow intro to new therapist, even co doctors, if possible.
Not a mental health expert, but a teacher, who has a really soft spot for the hard kids . Any change in routine will throw a kid with issues off. Kudos to your son for handling the break up relatively well. Kudos to you.
Sure S deserves a dad who knows what's going on, but he has a mother and that is a hell of a lot than a lot of kids have.
Yes, I think another T may be the best next step. I think Dr R would be more than willing to encourage S to see someone else, and even shepherd him through the process.
Also, we have a little cafe in our neighborhood that closed due to the owner being shall we say capricious... Members of the community have gotten behind the cause and are working to reopen the cafe as a non-profit. I know the people on the steering committee and have put a word in to let me know when they are ready to hire and S will be first in line. This would be a perfect beginner job for him. The good news is, he likes to cook!
I sure feel more encouraged today than I did yesterday.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
i don't know much about your S, but was wondering if having a job might be a really big step for someone who is not leaving the house much. has the Dr. set up small gradual steps towards that goal so that S can build up some confidence facing fears that may be more manageable? also, is there medication support for the OCD? that can really help give them the support to face the fears. is there any sort of additional diagnosis involved? hope i am not prying too much and please don't answer if you do not feel comfortable sharing more.
i went to a mental health seminar on mindfulness last year and they were talking about using mindfulness based acceptance as a strategy for OCD, accepting the fear, even thanking it and then telling it why it is not needed.. i don't know anything else about using mindfulness in that way but thought the concept was interesting. i typically read about the opposite, especially for kids, externalizing OCD as a type of bully that needs to be fought.
i know there is a very well-known OCD clinic here in LA, at UCLA.... not sure if you have anything similar at the universities in your area.
((((((((((((((bug))))))))))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Having a job would be a huge step forward, a real confidence, self-esteem builder. We've been working on this one step for at least a year. You know how you can push a person just so far and then they push back? So you stop for a while and then push again and the next time you get a little further? So I think it's progress, just very slow progress. Talk about learning to drop one's own timeline, this has been a master class.
He's on meds and has been, his -iatrist tried to wean him down last year but that was a near disaster. S and I were supportive of trying and there were good reasons to do so but it threw S off track for a while.
Diagnosis-OCD, GAD, depression.
We went to the IOCDF conference in Chicago last year and I learned a lot. I went to a talk on ACT-acceptance and commitment therapy that was interesting. It is sometimes used in conjunction with ERP. the problem is getting hi to a T who does that when S is fearful of changing. It's a dog chasing its tail.
Yes, I know about the program UCLA. In fact I was looking at the website just a couple of weeks ago and wondering if that might not be something that needs to happen. But he's 20 so would have to agree to it...We don't have anything like that in our state.
This will work out. Just getting it out more here has been a help in working through it in my mind. Thank you so much for your suggestions and ideas.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I don't have anything to add, other than support. I think you really are so strong and such a wonderful mother, Labug! Your children are very lucky.
M: 9 yrs T: 13 yrs H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs Dbing 12/12 S 1/13 7/13 H moved back in basement. 8/13 #3 born 10/13 still cheating 10/13 He moves across country, I file for D
^^ I echo what Tallula states, you're such a great mom in your patience and understanding of S. I'm reading a book now on ACT, haven't got too far into it but it sounds like a process that could be helpful in your sitch. Would your S benefit from someone like a life coach? To inspire him to take his own positive steps? I haven't had any personal experience, but think there is a different branch of T/life coaches maybe it'd help him.
Bug - I am amazed at your strength and clarity of thought. You are dealing with such difficult issues head on, calmly and with the desire to find what is best without panicking. I just sense a calmness right while you stand in the eye of a storm.
I am not suggesting that this is not hard for you - I can only imagine how hard this must be, but your approach is so positive and productive. You confront the problem, look for solutions and if they don't work, you look for more.
As always, you are truly an inspiration. Your actions are teaching me you can have a positive and calm approach even when things seem at their worst. Thank you!
Me & H: 44 D7, D6, S3 Together: 20y, M: 17y EA: 11/13/10, Sep: 12/23/10 EA becomes PA: Spring 2011 H filed for D: 09/06/12 D Negotiating began 2/15 OW seemingly gone on 3/15 Still negotiating D
Bug, I can only echo what everyone else is saying. You are such an amazing woman and mother. Your wisdom has always, and continues, to help me through my life.
((()))
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
Wow, thanks, everyone. Your words mean a lot. This has been a challenging road. Some days I am at a total loss and I have to acknowledge that but keep moving forward the best I can. Heard the Pink song Try on the way home from work this morning, gotta get up and try and try and try... I've made many mistakes but I hope I've learned from them.
I try to give S encouragement,like I get here because I can't fathom how he must feel with a brain that's always trying to trick him into believing things that aren't true.
And to 2, I took out the trash.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
. Any change in routine will throw a kid with issues off. Kudos to your son for handling the break up relatively well. Kudos to you.