@MJ - he wrote in his opening post that his wife's affair lasted for 6 months and was 3 years ago. i.e. despite the fact that her affair is long over, and didn't last very long either, he wants to continue punishing her for it forever. and in doing so he is punishing himself and his kids. it's very, very sad.
his behavior is keeping the memory of the affair alive long after it ended.
gman - I have news for you. you say that some behavior can't be forgiven. well, this forum is full of people who have experienced the same betrayal you did (in some cases, for a much longer time), and yet found the ability to forgive their wayward spouse and rebuilt their relationship.
one of the goals of divorce busting is to make yourself a better choice than the OP. but with your punishing, unforgiving behavior, I wonder why your wife doesn't just pick up and leave.
it's very sad that in your effort to make her miserable, you are just making yourself miserable. you write that some things can't be forgiven. well, it all depends on you.