Another dollar in my one-man show

[25yearsmlc]

hello all,
Thanks for your replies, I appreciate it a lot. In order to be more specific I want to say that my welcoming feedback translate into nice the words of appreciation or "trying to take her point of view into consideration" everytime my wife writes an e-mail. For example I would say things such as:oh you have a point here, or thanks for bringing that to my attention, they are little things but it denotes a change of attitude.

yes I can see that. And it's small consistent comments with actions consistent with those comments, that will, over time, show change.


Because I solely concentrate on my S there is no doubt that's my switch is to become a better father and not to catch my wife back.

well I would not project onto her what she thinks or ever say "there is no doubt" about what someone else thinks.

All you can do is consistently show new different behavior. I'd think it would take a lot of time before she begins to believe that you are Not pursuing her or that you do Not have an agenda, other than solely concentrating on your son. I think it'll take Much longer than you anticipate...

that's where my second change comes into play: not pursuing wife anymore.
True, without knowing I was asking what else I could do in order to impress my wife but I understand now that I have to let this situation be still for the moment and let it sink on her for at least another month or 2 or more maybe?

SIGH...maybe you're kidding..(are you??)

In my opinion, your new behavior of just being a good DAD to little Bruce and getting to know him, and having that impact your wife's opinion in a meaningful way, will take a minimum of 90 days and MORE LIKELY take a good six months, or more.

Don't underestimate, again, the damage done, and the negative views she has of you and how you were with him.

I don't want to harp on this but geez, you forget way too fast how UNavailable you were to her or him or for how long...

So it's going to take double or triple what you expect.

I mean, it's every OTHER Friday night you get him, right? So how would a few of those nights change how she sees you, vis a vis him?
Hey, you now have him, what 2 nights a month? Or 4?

And you think a few more of those nights, will reverse what she thinks & how she sees you, and all the diapers you never changed and the times you did not get up for him but she did, and how little you knew of him til recently...?

Bruce, let me be clear. It's NOT that she's holding a grudge.

It's that you are unrealistic about what you have to reverse & you are wildly unrealistic and impatient about how much you must overcome...

don't talk yourself out of it "b/c it's too hard!"...It's not that hard! This is still less than what you should have been doing all along.

Get real, get adult like, about the time line for you to show change...

YOU CAN DO THIS!

Thank you for the great activity plan for kids, it's comforting knowing that it's a normal process, same for everybody.
As for my past relationships I was master in dating and having a girlfriend but my longest relationship only lasted for so long. Never been good at keeping the flame alive it seems.

then maybe you can think about what it takes to keep the flame going, that you were not giving, and change that...



So I have my game plan for now I wish you all a good week bye for now, bruce

Stay the course. Let the changes be revealed. Then, IN TIME, let them be believed in. (Which means do not contradict the changes with inconsistent behaviors or comments.)

Stay on message, stay the course, be the new you...