You and I both can over analyze everything that we could have /should have done .....we seem to be great at that.
What are you afraid of?
I was so afraid that my W was having a affair- she is I am so afraid my wife will leave me - she has I am so afaid that i wont be a good single dad - one day at a time
Remember- if/when your wife comes back it wont be the same. She needs to like the different you and you need to like the different her.
You and your wife are both finding yourselves- take the time to do it right. You and I BOTH need to stop waiting for them to come back. Im counting down hours (look at my thread:() We need to get out and take a look around and maybe just maybe have a little fun
This [censored]- Im with you........remember- do whats right for YOU!
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
I'm afraid my wife was having an affair (emotional or physical). She said she wasn't. I'm afraid my wife will leave me. She has. I'm afraid she won't come back. She hasn't.
Yes, I know it won't be the same if we get back together, but I know I'll be more like the person she fell in love with. I feel like I've already learned so much and made so many changes.
I'm trying not to wait around. And I'm trying to have a little fun too! But then I wonder about the kind of fun she's having and the monkeymind runs wild. I've got to keep trying to detach.
My wife changed overnight-new clothes, suddenly used cell phone, actually texted for the first time, started staying out late etc
At first my IC asked me about the possibility and I told her no way......maybe a ea. that's how much I trusted her
I don't want you sucker punched like I was- if you find out there is an affair is that "game over" for you?
One more thing-as a person who suffers from mental ilness and who has been stabil for over20 years. How did your IC not I'd your depression? Did you receive extra help during your issues with your father?
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
Positivespin: I'm leaning maybe 51-49 towards a possible affair, but I don't know. If you would have asked me this time last year, I would have said "no way," but the last six months of our marriage were really rough because I was going through the roughest time of my life. And the last few days saw some odd behavior, but that might have just been her prepping for the BD.
I honestly don't know if it would be game over for me. Six months ago, I would have said yes. Hell, on BD it was "yes." Now? I don't know. I don't think it would. The thought of another man's hands on my wife makes me see red, but I think I could probably put it behind me.
I did not have a C at the time. I was on AD, but they were not working for me (in a myriad of ways if you catch my drift). My attitude was "yes, things are rough right now, but we can get through this." I didn't realize how depressed I really was. My W begged me to see a C, but we didn't have the money for it. We would have ended up deeper in debt.
Dad died a little before Thanksgiving. Once the funeral was over, I kept busy helping my mom out around her house, having her over for dinner and such, but then after a few weeks just vegged out in front of the xbox with the idea that I would let myself do this until 1/1, and then turn over a whole new leaf. Well, Jan 1 was an odd day, and the next morning was the BD.
I see youve lost 50 LBS......AWESOME JOB! Im at 43 lbs right now...JUST bought my first pairs of size 38's
Ive finally broke free of the "OBESE" label in the BMI index- "OVERWEIGHT" has never sounded so good. The goal is 20 more!
Have you worked with a psychiatrist yet? I understand your between jobs and concerned about debt. THIS IS A INVESTMENT IN YOU! Because I dont know where in the world im going to next (at least i didnt before the BD)I made sure that all my meds were generic. They are - so please dont be overly concerned about cost. PLEASE DONT GET SCRIPTS FROM FAMILY DR's. Ive yet to see a success story
You have come a LONG way since your first post. keep walking! NOTHING is better- and its free......how much you on that XBOX my friend?
One last question- How did your wife and your mother get along?
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
I'm wearing the relaxed fit 36"s now, first time in roughly 10 years. I'm still technically obese for another 5 pounds, but I'm still dropping steadily and I think I'm in better shape than when the W and I first met. The D diet is not fun, but IS effective.
I'm seeing a LCSW, not a psychiatrist. He's just been out the past two weeks with bronchitis, so I feel a little emotionally constipated, to coin a phrase. My meds seem to be pretty good right now. Almost done tapering off Lexapro. That stuff is evil.
I don't think I was on the xbox a lot in general. I would get a game and binge through it and sell it back. The W watched a lot of TV, so it's not like she was bugging me to go outside. To be honest, it was usually the other way around.
The last few weeks immediately before the BD I was playing a lot of video games. I was feeling under the weather, depressed, money was tight, and the weather was rainy almost every day. It was a way for me to escape. But I had turned off the xbox for good before the BD. Didn't play any games at all on the day prior to the BD.
My wife and my mom got along pretty good, I think. Certainly better than her mother and I did. My mom said she thought of her as a daughter. My W said she thought of her as a mother, once even after the BD!
Tonight come up with 5 "SMART" goals for yourself in the next 3-6 months. I will re- adjust mine as well and we will compare/ contrast tomorrow.(Make sure that the success is measurable for each)
The next few months will not be kind to us- we need something- that we can control- to focus on
P.S. Make sure your LCSW knows you are open to medication if it could be of benefit (example, wellbutrin) and ask for his referral.
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
I wasn't sure what SMART goals were, I don't remember them in MWD's books. I think I'm due for a re-read! According to the Internet, they are: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevent, amd Timely.
1. Get weight down to at most 200 lb; preferably 185. 2. Find new job on my career path. 3. Find my own place to live once Goal 2 is complete. 4. Go skydiving. 5. Complete the C25K program and run a 5K.
SMART is not in MWD books but in our case we need this style for our personal -non R- goals
One tweak to yours needed- you need times/dates that the goals will be achieved by........again ideally in 3-6 mos
1. 199 or less by 7/1 2. 36 inch waste in levi 501 jeans by 8/1 ( Just using brand of jean for measurement) 3. complete a 5K in under 30 mins 7/15 4. Credit rating of "Good" as rated by experian 10/1 5. Have resumes designed and printed and have cover letters designed 7/1 6. Take a paddleboarding lesson by 8/15
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
"Find a new job in your field"- not in your control
How about "Identify and apply to X jobs in your field per week/month"
get rid of #3 for now......how about "stash x dollars for deposit on new place"
VERY nice work Leftcoast
ME 38 W 37 T18 M5 D3 BD 1/7/13 PA Conf 2/11/13- Ongoing 2nd simultaneous affair Confirmed 4/19/13 W gets APT and begins transition out 5/29/13 First mediation appt 12/19/13
