all in all sounds like a good holiday for you and family and some real good pma. yay for you.
mine was okay too- wierd that your h listens and enjoys from a distance- i geuss he feels because of his "decisions" he can't participate- interesting tho that he feels connected and "there" vicariously-
oh well- i never ever pretended to even get it at all with these mlc guys.
it's sure a learning experience. - tho, who would EVER want to learn what we have.
hope it doesn't taint our pma's in general, in life forever. i guess only can if we allow it- rite??/ we do have a choice rite??
dropped h at the airport just now. wierdly detached (me) and not involved. slight spat over my mom- his "advice" about it. pointed out my defensiveness - i had to say , well, my feeling defensive is a huge part of what my life is at the moment- my life "with" him in it and him telling me he wants "less of me in his life" - how could one not be insulted and feel trashed - i'm asking ya??? - soooo wtf if i'm a bit less than perfect or gracious about it.
truly- what the heck could be in this guy's head???
i didn't feel a bit bad- honestly- i don't care what he thinks of me. it's not like there's any justice here- he's still looking to make me "bad" so he's justified in cheating. fine- he wins - he's perfect and i'm a schmo - so, like, who even cares????? i don't think he'd be so defnsive himself if he felt like such a swell guy- oh well huh?
so i guess i'll feel a bit lonely- he was nice last couple months - but still totally not connected to me- it's hard & sad- and of course, it is what it is. i don't see him changing- he's still convinced he LLLLLOOOOOOOOOVVVVVES her (i guess - i read hm telling her that- he doesn't say that to me) he must have made his reservtion to leave here one minute after his dad died- Jesus- iiiiickyyyy.
i'm just waiting...
i'm okay tho- enjoying a spot of sun- i thnk my neice will come over to work on a school project- another friend has a cake to share (??) she knows my weaknesses - another walks every nite- i guess i'll survive and so on---
that's it for me- no insanity at the moment thnak goodness...
