I think I get what you mean when you say you are experiencing an urge to walk away. I think this is what detachment is ultimately about, that we have to say good-bye.
Because even if there was a reunion, it wouldn't be a continuation of the old R. It couldn't be because too much has been said and done, both individuals will have changed so the R would also have to change. And that change can't happen as long as we hold on to what we knew and who the spouse or ourselves were.
Your sitch makes any sort of reunion or continuation more of a challenge because of the distance.
Its been a heck of an 8 months hasn't it Portia? So much has happened. But you're still going because you're strong and maybe too a little wiser now? (Not that you weren't wise before, but basing this on how I feel about my own sitch, well I can see where I went wrong, how I could have done some things differently. So at least I might not make the same mistakes again.)
Its been nice getting to know you here on DB. I feel we would be friends in the "real" world. I can see where you will come here less and less on your journey - the nature of this board for most I guess. I want to be sure to tell you good luck, and that I wish the very best to you.
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Portia, How are you and your family doing? I hear you when you say taht you are in a strange spot. It sounds like you are detaching more and more each and every day. Yes, it hurts like the dickens because he's not been supportive and didn't want to see you. We can't "assume" that he is w/the ow once again, but time will tell on that one.
Portia, sometimes we have to let them go in order for them to grow up and find their way back to us, if that is what God has planned for us.
Drop the rope and let him go. He needs to learn that you will not be there to provide ego kibbles to him every time he needs them. He needs to learn that he had a wonderful person who was willing to share her life w/him, but he opted to toss it aside. He needs to face the consequences of his actions.
Sending positive vibes your way.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
As always, thank you so much for your comments and kind words.
B, we have similar feelings about things, you and I. Here is hoping that we have the strength to make the tough choices and be good to ourselves. This is an unfair and tough situation for all of us.
MizJ -
Originally Posted By: mizjjd
Its been nice getting to know you here on DB. I feel we would be friends in the "real" world. I can see where you will come here less and less on your journey - the nature of this board for most I guess. I want to be sure to tell you good luck, and that I wish the very best to you.
I absolutely feel the same, both you and Snodderly have been with me since my first post and I was so grateful! But...I have to confess, this ride ain't over. My thread is getting long, so I will open a new one with an update. I think I will need everyone's support just as much as ever. Probably a couple of 2x4s as well. And, I will definately try to help out where I can, too.
And am I wiser? In some ways, yes and in a good way. I will likely never make the same mistakes again. I now know that true hearbreak hurts - really, really hurts! That has given me more empathy. I am too near it yet to know if it was worth the cost of admission.
Snodderly, I think I am going to need your (ahem! everyones!) help "dropping the rope". In fact, I know that I am. I need to find that balance between not nailing the door shut and letting him have a taste (or a big fat swallow) of his consequences but without appearing that I am being vindictive. Such a fine line!
We are doing OK. Packing up the house and sending out the thank you cards, all a bit emotional but bittersweet, too. The funny memories people have shared with us!
because you're strong 