Wife said she was done!

[Maritimer]

I wouldn't mention the counseling yet. She needs time to think and absorb the new reality she's living in - and so do you, really. Let the good vibes sink in for both of you. However, take it slow. The R didn't break overnight and it will not get fixed over night. She's going to need to be in a place where she feels comfortable with who you are, and who she is.

Patients, patients, patients; as some other posters put it...

Of course it would benefit the children if you two can save the M. I assume there's been no abuse, violence, drugs, etc... when I say that.

There is no abuse or any negative activity in the home, Even when I did have a few beer is was never in the home.

It kinda felt overnight that she flicked the switch and caught me by surprise. Its been 4 months and she is just coasting through this event in our lives. I feel we need to communicate to move forward successfully.

This is why it's important to detach!! You cannot worry about this. If you try to be there every time she turns around; try to push discussions of the M; try to be there for her every need - this will most likely achieve one thing. You'll end up pushing her away...

Im trying hard to detach, just when I feel I have, then I feel attracted to her again!

Are you sure? How do you know she will not reach these conclusions just from being able to see the changes you've made in yourself? And that those changes are permanent? And that you're sincere? Ultimately, it needs to be you who makes the decision of whether to open up a dialog or to let her do so. And if you do so now, will it be perceived by her as a controlling action by you?

Just knowing her personality for 10 years I got a good hunch that she will not bring up any relationship talk. My lifestyle changes has made a positive atmosphere in the home and my self esteem hasent been this high in such a long time. I would be a fool to let this positive energy elude from my life.

I was always a bit passive and I dont think being controling was my issue. Stepping up with this serious talk would be an 180 for me.