So, H says, "I've been thinking about having the boys stay over every Sat night." ---which he's NEVER mentioned to me! I went to about a 8 1/2 at that point and said I would not agree to that and that he hadn't mentioned it to me.
I'm curious why you reacted so negatively to this? I mean, you do want H involved in their lives don't you? Personally I'm a firm believer in boys having a strong father figure in their lives. One night a week doesn't seem like much to me, I'm surprised you pushed back so hard on this. I hope you're not trying to use the boys to "punish" your H (IE, "you left us so I'm not letting you have them at all!")
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C says to me "Well, if you went the legal route (we haven't even mentioned the word LEGAL or DIVORCE in ANY conversation we've had), he would be entitled to them one night each weekend or every other weekend."
C is correct. Unless there's physical abuse.
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Now, I KNOW this, but H hasn't really had any interest in having them over yet. AND, I have had it my way to have them here at home with me ALWAYS.
But he's expressing interest now, that's a GOOD thing!!! He's been pushing his family away and now is showing the first signs of pulling them back. Remember, the LBS is the first to get pushed away and the last to get pulled back. You could be seeing the first positive steps towards his return. I'm not trying to get your hopes up, but I do want to point out that you're painting this in a bad light when actually it's a positive sign IMO.
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Now, I know things will change gradually, but it ANGERED me that this IC got involved! She is my boys IC, not a marital C, not my C, not my H's C. She definitely overstepped her boundaries and made things worse!
I disagree, she was well within her boundaries to talk about visitation with H, because it is a very healthy thing for boys to spend time with their dad. It was your REACTION to it that made things worse. I think if you could step back for a second you'd see your reaction was out of anger and bitterness towards H when your reaction should purely be based on what is best for the boys.
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And, then she turned to my H and asked, "Don't you think things have been in limbo long enough? Where are you with everything?"
Now here I would agree that she overstepped her boundary. She's not an MC.
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I went to a 10 at that point!! I stood up and said, "I don't want to hear this again! I've heard this & can NOT hear it again!" Then I got up & walked out of her office & out the door still escalated.
Work on that detachment!! If you were detached you would have met this with indifference or (better yet) validation.
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It still baffles me WHY they haven't moved into a PA! I think then I could just be completely done. I even said to my SIL on Sunday night, "I just want it to be over!"
It'll never be over, you and H will be in a relationship the rest of your lives because you have children together. I've read over and over again where divorced couples say years down the road that if they knew how inextricably linked they were to their former spouse that they never would have divorced.
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But, this week was the first time I really felt "done"...like I think it might be better if he just asked for a D.
You're not even close to being done. If you were, then you would be completely detached. The things that he says and does would have no impact on your emotional state. At that point you could realistically ask yourself if you're prepared to end things.
