Thanks labug. I'm really feeling alone on my island lately. I appreciate your support so much.
I woke up super down today. It feels like - what have I been working for? what have I been hoping for? because I know I don't want THAT. That same R with H I had before... I feel so let down all over again. And I can recognize that my feelings are unreasonable for what actually transpired last night. And that makes me feel like a failure.
I'm going to look into al anon meetings. H apparently deactivated his fb account. That's kind of triggering me today. Last night and even him deactivating fb and him spending time w/ girls - everything is really making me feel like I have no control over anything. And I've worked to understand that is true (which is huge in my world), but feeling the loss of control instead of just comprehending it are two different things.
I need a reset button on my brain because my root feelings over the past day are hurt and rejection. And that, in me, brings up a panic response. Well I guess it's progress to be able to identify what's going on in my head. Now just how to live with it...
