So for instance if W says 'I've been looking at those house there, I like the look of them' I should say something like:
'yes, they are nice houses, its a nice area to live in'. or 'yes, it would be a good place to live'
Another thing that crops up is W saying something very simple such as 'who will keep the washing machine'. How do I validate that?
Validation is not about question/ answer stuff like you posted above. Validation is regarding your W's expressions of emotions and feelings. So if she asks who keeps the washing machine, you don't validate, you answer or negotiate:
"I would like to keep it, but if you give me 100 bucks you can take it and I'll use that money to help me buy a new one."
That isn't validation and it's not a question that requires validation. But here's an example of an expression of emotion that offers a great opportunity for validation:
"I feel so worthless today!!"
This response is NOT validation:
"You are not worthless, you have a lot of value, you're great!"
Neither is this:
"Don't worry about it, you're just feeling down today, tomorrow will be better!"
Both of the above dismiss her current feelings, and therefore are not validation. THIS is validation:
"I hear you saying you're feeling worthless, why are you feeling that way?"
"I just can't seem to do anything right!! Everything I do just gets screwed up!!"
"I understand and I'm sorry you feel that way, is there anything I can do to help you feel better?"
Validation is not agreeing/ disagreeing/ explaining/ negotiating/ etc. The idea is to A) encourage the other person to share more feelings and B) let them know their feelings are valid, important and legitimate.
