update: not sure how it happened, h kinda was stressed a little and i reached out, then it lead to r talk.
Again with the R talk!!!? Good grief! QUIT the pressure already!
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It seems as though he is borderline about us getting back together..
Doesn't seem that way to me, based on what you described of the convo it sounds to me like he's done but trying to be nice to you.
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I said I missed him, and asked if he missed me too
= PRESSURE
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He is afraid of slipping back to our old ways.
He is afraid of YOU slipping back to YOUR old ways. You've got to show him 180's for months and months before he might be convinced he's wrong on this.
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I got a few hugs in.
= PRESSURE
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Told him hugs are a start.
= PRESSURE You're telling him "OK, I'm going to force you to hug me, and now that we've hugged I'm telling you that is the official start of reconciliation."
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He feels awkward, I can tell.
Of course he does, because you're still applying tons of pressure to him. Forcing hugs on him, forcing R talks on him and constantly putting him on the spot. If he didn't have a business with you he probably would have moved to another continent by now!
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He would not allow me to pigeon-hole him into a commitment of trying again
So what you are saying here is that you tried to pigeon-hole him into a commitment of trying again and he blocked your efforts. We've told you over and over again, you CAN'T make him change his mind, yet you keep right on trying!
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I talked about hanging out, vacation (june/july) and fun stuff/laughter, he seemed to be open to this.
Yet another anti-DB move. Do NOT make plans for the future!
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I validated often.
Give specific examples of your validation. The reason I ask is 90% of the time when people think they are validating when they're really doing the opposite.
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What do y'all think?
I think you're destroying what chances you may have. You have simply got to stop the pressure!! You have got to give him time and space! You keep putting yourself right back at the starting line, you haven't even begun to DB! The longer you keep the pressure on the smaller your chances of reconciliation get.
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PATIENCE/TIME/DETACH
You've shown no patience, you've given him no time and space and you are not even remotely detached.
I'm sorry for the direct 2x4's, but nothing else is working with you so maybe a good swift 2x4 to the head will help. STOP what you're doing. STOP the pressure. START giving him time and space. START detaching. START some GAL activities. START DB'ing.
