Is there light at the end of the tunnel Part 1?

[Bel123]

Last night W asked if I have thought about our conversation of the current living situation. I told her I have thought about it and that my moving out is out of the table for me due to not being there to see S as much as I do now and for financial reason. I also said that besides son’s room, every other room including the bed room is up for discussion for either her or I to habitat. I said I might have slept on the couch but that has not been by choice. She said that I abandoned the bed room and I said I felt not welcomed and that she said she preferred it that way in more than one occasion. I told her I am open to discussing the different options and hope we can come to an understanding. She first said that I can have the bed room if I want and that she won’t be in it. I told her I understand that and didn’t expect her to. She said if she moves out she will take S with her. I told her I understand that as well and I would look to have S at least half of the time. She said “well no more than half and I will fight you for that”. I said I would like to have him half of the time and that I am not trying to take him away from her. She asked if I feel the time I spend with him is enough right now. I told her that I would like to spend more time with him. She then try to bait me with how the reason is because I choose not to. Even brought up how I do dishes and I could be spending it with him. I told her, if you are giving him a bath and I wash dishes, or if she is feeding him and I wash dishes, I don’t see a problem with that. I told her I know you need your space and don’t want me around so I am not going to hover over the bathroom while you wash him or feed him (just the same way I don’t want her hovering while I give him a bath or feed him). I did not take the bait because I know I am spending time with him. I am not also trying to take him away from the time she spends with him or when she takes him to see her parents. I have been trying to give her space and give her time with him alone and I do the same as well. She also tried to bait me with how she does more around the house. I told her that I respectfully disagree with her.


The conversation was turning into something else so I had to move it back to the topic that was at hand of the living situation. She said if I have access to S as I do now and move out, would that work. I told her no it does not as I want to be there with S. I told her she is the one that has a problem with seeing me on the couch and I understand why and I want to help with that situation. I am open to really talking about the different options and see which one works best for the both of us. She does not want to move to the couch, the basement, or move out. So the discussion should be which room. I can see she was getting ticked. I have been placating to most of her demands but I am at a point where I know what is right for me. I am also starting to realize my self-worth and the situation at hand has done both good and bad. Bad because of the person I have become in the last few years (codependent). Good because this process has shown me what I have done wrong in the M and in life and have a clear idea of who I want to be and work towards.


I did tell her if I was the one that wanted out of the M and told her that I feel bad seeing her sleeping in a different room, I need space for my wellbeing so think about either get your own place, move your stuff out of the bed room and fully into the living room, or move to the basement, how would she feel. I told her that since she is the one that wants out, then I shouldn’t be the one to move out. She thought for a while and said she is not the only one not happy with the M. I said true but I am not trying to leave it.


She asked if I am making progress in IC and I told her that I am and asked if she was and she said she is. I am trying not to read into this and will try not to think about it. I have the tendency to not express what I am thinking correctly and feel she thinks I am trying to be mean but I really am not. I was thinking of emailing or talking to her and letting her know that I am not trying to take S away from her because that would hurt all of us including myself, I am not trying to be mean to her, and that I am trying to work with her on figuring things out where it is workable for the both of us in the living situation. I am not set on taking the master bed room but am open to discussion about it. Any thoughts?


I do believe the boat has started to rock but I am not doing anything to be spiteful but to protect myself, my feelings, and needs.