Corri, I thought this was a great post. Your post always make me sit up and take notice, because I know that I am getting a sneak peek into H's brain.
Here is one problem that I thought of when reading your message--the kind of emotional intimacy you are talking about occurs in HD people AFTER they have made love with their spouse. It is one of life's cruel mysteries, eh! An LD person can't get physical til the emotions are out on the table and the HD person can't get emotional til they have physically connected.
If their NUMBER ONE need is going unmet, and they approach their partner to talk about it, nine times out of ten you are going to see anger. Really, it's hurt coming across as anger. It is exceedingly hard to ditch that anger because the rejection they feel at their spouse's hands is staring right back at them. You are looking at the person who repeatedly rejects you and trying to think of a way to be tender and empathetic. It is VERY hard.
Having said that, I agree completely with what you said. It really does work. The times that I have bared my soul to H, in regards to our sex life, he listens to me and hears me. The times that I approach him with anger (hurt, really) he tunes me out and gets defensive. His behavioral changes vary, though. Sometimes he takes the Emotional Intimacy conversations and DOES something with them...makes changes. Other times, he sortof stores the info away like a squirrel and I'm not sure that he considered it much more than a really good talk.
Sooooo, in closing (lol) to all the LD people out there who are starving for emotional intimacy, I say to make a pact with yourself to get busy with your spouse 50% of the time and see where that gets you. I'll bet you see more intimacy from your seemingly angry or demanding HD partner. And to the HD people, try to meet the emotional needs of your partner and see if it gets you more sex.
Ah, sure sounds simple doesn't it! Well I know I am generalizing a LOT here but I know there is truth in there somewhere..
