I think you have posted the way many women feel, even some of the HD women. I am trying very hard to understand this. What you are asking for is not easy at all for a man to do. Men are VISUALLY oriented, women are VERBALLY oriented. Men do NOT express feelings, men do NOT "Share". This is what testosterone does to men. Men are literally "Brain Damaged", the conncetions between both sides of the brain are MUCH smaller then the connections for women. Men use the side of the brain that contains logic, while women use BOTH sides of the brain. I know that communication, sharing, or expressing feelings with my spouse is the HARDEST thing I can ever do. The only way I can see improving this is by sheer practice, probably hundresd of conversations before us HD guys can begin to feel comfortable "SHARING". I am going to go back and read the book "What Women want men to know about women". Buy it for your hubby and tell him to read it, or maybe read it together. It may help a bit.
Your post hints at what we ALL need to do. The man should help to draw out the women SEXUALLY. The women should try to draw out the Intimacy of the man. This is exactly what God intended. Men and women work best as a whole rather than as 2 individuals. You really have to put away individuality and think as a team at almost all times.
Maybe I need to print this out and ask my wife if shee feels this way. Probably does. I know I certainly do not have the in depth discussions like I should. I have read about people that actually make a ritual in this, they set aside 5-10 minutes each day to sit and only be with the spouse and to talk. I know that this would be very UNEASY for both me and the spouse, but we may learn to like it.
Dr. Laura said something the other night that made me really think. She said that men are entirely DEPENDANT upon their wives for their emotional stability. If our needs for sex and admiration are fully met by our wives, then we will literally DIE trying to meet our wives needs. However if our wives do not meet this need, because of the stoic nature of men, we literally will bottle this inside until we explode. We will not let on how much we truly hurt. So as Dr. Laura said, Women hold ALL the power to make their marriages great. I have to say I agree with her, if my wife was the physical person she needed to be, I WOULD GO TO HELL AND BACK FOR HER. I know some great relationships, and the women in these realtionships knows this. They have been following Dr. Laura's advice (and not even know it), and their marriages appear to be great.
Corri, in your last paragraph, you express many of the complaints that HD spouses have as well. We all feel "Used". LD spouses feel "Used" for sex. HD's feel USED for everything that is NOT SEX. We all want the other spouse to desire OUR passion. This is the great stumbling block. Our needs have to be met simultaneaously in order for the marriage to work. And by the way, I would give anything to be "USED" for sex. I LOVE that.
Corri, there is one problem that I see in our solutions, and I think many HD guys have seen this. If us HD guys become the men we once were while dating, or even 150% of the guy we once were, the women in our lives BARELY change. If we have changed back in to "Mr Perfect", then the women should change back into HD women. From everything I have seen, THIS VERY RARELY happens. If you women expect us to be the guy you dated, then why should we HD guys not expect you to turn completely back into HD spouse like you once were. Us HD guys get VERY pissed that we put all this effort into our relationships, and yet the change in our wives is barely perceptable, or even worse, the wives think we do these things because WE have seen the light and have changed (effectively changed into LD spouses). Some guys really bust their butts, and get nothing in return.
