Losing Hope

[Breakdown]

I’m done being a string along. I know it’s only been 12 days but I’m his wife, not some girl he picked up at a bar and isn’t sure if he wants to be with her or not. He’s a coward and is bailing, and I’m sick of being the string along. I’ve been dark since Sunday night. No contact, nothing.

Whoa there...12 days and he's stringing you along? I think you need to step back and see the big picture here. He's told you multiple times he's confused...doesn't sound like he's bailing quite yet. Give him some space and time...and use that time to do what you said...work on you.

I've always been insecure/fearful of rejection and never being good enough, so it comes out in anger, pushing H away. That's been going on for years. In the past I promised I would change, never have.

So you have issues, said you'd address them, didn't, and now he doesn't trust that you will? Sounds normal to me.

It's going to take some time...some real time....months at least, for not only you to make those changes and make them real, but for him to see them, and accept them as real. There's no short cut.

I don't blame him. He was emotional, no crying though, he looked so confused and depressed.

Ah...some understanding...but now, how about some patience to go with it..

Few minutes later calls asks me where I am (I was out for a drive) and said “I’m at the house, we need to chat.” I show up, he either seemed mad I wasn’t home or that I said I was moving on, whatever. Still said he is confused.

I don't understand why you would lie about where you were...certainly doesn't help build trust.

What’s my next move?

Have you read DR? How about 5LL? 37 Rules (top of the Newcomers section)?

Then, decide what you want to work on....insecurity for sure, but what else?

A lot of what you described sounds like me...and I will tell you, insecurity bleeds into a whole bunch of other negative attributes I did not like in myself.

What did you not like about your role in your M? What were your H's complaints?

With regards to contact with your H, you need to think about how you are projecting yourself. Are you showing him a PMA? Or more negativity and anger? Which do you think is more attractive?

I know it's difficult right now. Hang in there and try to focus on you.