I realized the most frustrating thing about dealing with my situation and the cause of my "trapped" feelings. It is the ineffectiveness of my negotiating skills in my marriage.
In my business and personal life, I think I am a good negotiator. I am very logical, try to see both points of view, decide on a minimum I'm willing to accept, and if it doesn't happen, I'm always willing to walk away. This can work when buying or selling property, negotiating salary, etc.
Premarital relationships were always the same way for me. Not that I'm a bully, but there's a point when you say, "time to punt and try my luck elsewhere".
When you use this strategy, quite often, the other party sees that you are serious, stops you from walking away and agrees to meet your needs. In a relationship, it can be the wake-up call that rekindles what you once had. Or it can be a relief to both parties to simply walk away.
Here comes the frustration: I'm not willing to walk away from my marriage and my family! Honestly, if we didn't have kids and/or weren't married, I would have done it months ago, without question. And don't get me wrong, I would be rooting for the "wake-up call" scenario, not the "walk away" result. I have never loved anyone like I love this woman, but I would be willing to play hard ball if it weren't for the kids. And in order for the strategy to work, you have to be truly willing to walk away, which in this case would ruin all our lives.
Please understand, I know there's a big difference between selling a car and working out a relationship. But I simply have to find another way to think, and reason, and negotiate my marriage.
