A New Beginning - after 2 years...

[keep_going]

Thank you guys. You are all correct and in the back of my mind, I knew that was the answer. So H called earlier than agreed to and we were still out. Luckily my sister was with us and she has Viber, so H was able to talk to the kids for free as he wanted. I also didn't have to talk to him since my sister handed the phone directly to D5.

D4 didn't want to talk much, but I insisted she talk to her dad and she eventually warmed up and did it willingly. I also brought the phone to S1 and prompted him to say "pappa."

Yes, it hurts like nothing else, but it's the right thing to do for my kids.

As for OW, I have really struggled since this all started to clarify with myself what forgiveness towards her would look like and how I should act with her or around her. When the time comes, I want to be ready and to what's right.

Anyways, I finally talked to my priest about it a couple of weeks ago and asked him just that - what would forgiveness toward her look like in my everyday life. He said that if and when we have to be in social situations together and if I am face to face with her, I should be polite. No rudeness, no disrespect, no anger and no hostility. I should also never bad-mouth her with my kids (I never do).

Yet he also said that I am in no obligation to have any kind of R with her or even chit chat with her. I don't need to co-parent with her either. I just need to simply recognize her as another human being in this planet that deserves basic manners and respect from me if and when our paths cross.

That put me at ease. I have been really struggling with the notion that I would need to co-parent with her, interact with her at kids' events, work with her re. kids' schedules, custody exchanges, etc. Monsignor said that forgiving her didn't mean I had to have a R with her and that H will need to respect my wishes if I decide to only deal with him directly re. kids' issues if/when they move in together. Not that I am there yet, but it gives me a compass for where I need to eventually land and also have peace.

He also said that our kids will certainly always wonder why I never interact with her directly. He said it would be ok if they ask when they are adults to simply state the facts to them and say that H and OW started their R before our M had ended and since that is something that goes against my value system, I chose not to have any relationship with her.

I know I might be getting way ahead of myself here, but I want to have a benchmark, know what the right thing to do will be and do it in a way that doesn't hurt my kids. Does that make sense?

Anyways, thanks again for helping me see with clarity. I am so blessed to have so many good friends and support coming from all of you!