Recently Separated and Need Help

[separated313]

We were engaged at 18, married at 21. Got pregnant with our first son 6 months later. We lost him to a lung malformation at 20 weeks. We had another son at age 23. Our daughter was born when we were 26/27. Our daughter was conceived after I found that my H had a PA two years earlier. I was insanely clingy and demanding after I found out. Ever since then, when we would have some sort of conflict, I would basically give in instead of creating more issues.

In high school, I feel like I was more decisive. I went after what I wanted and wouldn't stop working until I got it. After losing my first son, I had a hard time making even the littlest decisions. I would always defer the answers to my H. As we got more comfortable in our relationship, he did most of the daily chores. He cooked, he handled the kids. I realize now that I took him for granted and didn't share the responsibilities equally.

I was in charge of the finances and I also worked full time. I've been battling anxiety and depression in regards to my job, I didn't feel like doing much after putting in a full day. I was very controlling over everything. It was fear of being hurt again. Look where it's gotten me now. I'm hurt even more so then when I found out about the PA.