Not confused, still emotional, getting very angry

[BRNR]

Hi AJ, glad to see you back. I feel a strange connection with your words and have missed them since my situation started progressing last week. Hopefully you were doing something worth while.

My health is status quo...the testing shows problems, but nothing to do right now. I have some follow ups in September to see how things are then. So the health thing is okay at the moment.

My kids are still missing H and have opened up to me more about things. Day by day, things seem to improve, so I am taking it day by day with them. My MLCer still does not talk to them about things when they ask him...all he says is "your Mom doesn't love me anymore"....still after all these months. My s9 tells me all the time, and all I tell him is that H can't know my feelings as they are MY feelings and that I do love his dad very much. Both my sons are still wanting to know why, and I just keep reinforcing that H will have to give them those answers. So round and round we go with that one. Not sure what more I can do other than show them as much love and support that I can.

As far as you calling me out...I have actually thought about this for a long time. Yes, I do want H to realize what he has lost, and not to be vindictive or mean, but more in the aspect of that maybe one day, he would come home because of this realization. All is not lost, until both don't want it. And for me, should H recognize that, just maybe, maybe, my marriage could be restored. We had a great marriage, one that I would want again. Sure there were problems, but what marriage doesn't. So, it is not to make me feel better, I am on the losing end too. H doesn't see that I am losing anything but him, he has specifically said so. and no, there are no winners. But the only thing we can do is pickup the peices of the losing situation and move forward, however that may be.