Not confused, still emotional, getting very angry

[AJM]

I really do hope he comes through this and sees all that he has lost. It is a shame that they think things will be so easy...just by running away.

Do you though? Do you really want that for him? To feel the loss he chose? Or is that trying to make yourself feel better? I ask because I think later you'll feel differently. You can't change it either way; he's going to do what he does and it's highly likely he'll feel the loss in a profound way. I've seen that play out many times with people of various ages and walks of life. It's not pretty. It's sad really, and for you, it would mean always seeing that (knowing really.) And that would always leave you with a sad part in your heart. Short term it might make you feel better, but I am challenging you to see further than that. At least I'm trying anyway

As for divorce - you'll have to educate yourself if the time comes. Keep in mind that nobody walks away happy from a divorce or feeling like they got what they deserve. That's the nature of it. Well, except for the lawyers. They always win in these situations. But nobody else does. Nobody else walks away feeling like they got what they deserve. While you want what is fair and equal, he'll feel like you took too much. Or the other way around.

Remember this is not what you asked for, BRNR. While you may not be trying to stick it to him (so to speak), or punish him for his choices, no matter what you do he won't be happy and will blame you. It has nothing to do with you, so your actions won't change that.

When mine left, she took very little. Later, she felt like I didn't pay enough or got too much. She made almost all the choices and I let her club me like a baby seal. She still isn't happy from what I can tell. We don't talk and barely communicate even though she lives three blocks away. She won't even drop my son off at the house and I suspect it's because she can't stand looking at it.

It had very little to do with me, and yet running away didn't buy her happiness. Getting everything she asked for, didn't buy her happiness. Because it is not about the person they blame or run from.

I urge you to rethink some of that when the time is right. Maybe not right now. He is losing a tremendous amount. So are you because of his choices. But he is losing far more in his search for the issues that he is running from.

Something to think about, BRNR. I hope you're well! How's the health front coming along? How's the rest of the family?

Peace,
AJ