BRNR, The future is not ours to see as we can only live in the present.
I agree w/you that you both need to sit down, face to face, and discuss finances (all of them) as well as see where his head is at at this time. Once you have the time and place, go and allow him to be the one to start the conversation. Listen to what he has to say He may not even raise the issue of divorce, i.e., he may only want to discuss the finances and visitation plans. Prepare yourself and be ready to discuss things w/him. Try to remain calm and not get emotional when discussing the issues w/him. You'll get throught to him better by remaining calm.
I understand where you are coming from about the divorce and no more dbing. Keep in mind, dbing is used in all day to day activities and it shouldn't be considered as the only tool when dealing w/a mlcer. Dbing isn't about winning your spouse back, but about helping you to learn to detach, cope and eventually find your footing to survive and thrive as you walk your own path.
No, you won't get closure (as we think of closure), but you will get some relief and the pressure/weight of the heavy burden of not knowing whether he's returning or not will be removed from your shoulders once a divorce is finalized. It's the unknown that many fear and then tend to remain stuck for a while. I don't see you staying stuck in one position for a long time. I see you as the type of person that plots her course and moves forward. Tread lightly and choose your battles when it comes to what you want in the end.
Your future outlook will still include your h, whether he remains your h or your xh. You have children that will require both parents to attend school activities, graduations, marriages, etc. The only difference may be that you will have moved on to a different life, if he continues down the mlc path and doesn't wake up.
None of them realize that the illusive happiness is never within reach because it is a fantasy. They don't realize that happiness comes from within and they had it all along...just didn't look in the right place. They don't realize what they've lost until it is gone and their spouses have moved on w/their lives. They don't realize that time doesn't stand still for no one and the world is changing each and every day. Mlcers are very sad bunch...they had it all and threw it away.
I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I do hope that the meeting will go well and you can get some answers to the questions that you've been mulling over for quite some time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
