TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Your story is very inspiring! I admire that you're taking things slow and I can see the no expectations - but when do you think you'll know that you're recommitted? I guess we don't often know what 'the other side' looks like from over here and I'm curious. Thanks for sharing & good fortune to your family!
Very inspiring Crimson... great to hear another success about to happen!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I am still lurking around. Wanted to make sure I had enough to share before I posted again.
Things continue to go well and we are trying to work on our communication. Last week she expressed a desire to move some more of her things here so it would feel more like "home" for her when she is here. This past weekend we went to her condo and loaded up some stuff....pictures, clothes, and so on and brought it over. So even though she still has her condo and there is stuff in it, she is basically living here at the moment. It is actually a nice change of pace to say the least.
The odd thing is that I have become very used to living alone and my routine with our son - which, at times, conflicts with her routine and rules. It is a delicate space but we are aware of it and trying to navigate it as deftly as possible. All in all, S seems to be adapting well to the change. He just turned 3 and bomb date was when he was about 17 months. He has ZERO recollection of us living together as a family and at times I think he is beside himself that he has two parents in one place.
As for me, I am working on keeping perspective and trying to remember that which is important. I watch my voice (I am naturally loud....I am a big guy) and my body language and I try to be aware of all the negatives that came about pre-BD and work against them. I'll admit, there are moments when I have to think about what I say before I say it - but that is to be expected.
I can tell she is working on herself as well, though often I wonder if she sees her role in all that happened as anything more than "I allowed you to treat me the way you did". In my mind, that still perpetuates a victim mentality. Notwithstanding, I am aware now that these are conclusions she will have to come to independent of me....and over time.
I have no idea how long this stage will last - or IF this stage will last at all. I am taking it slowly and trying not to get too far ahead of myself. There has been affection - hand holding, etc - and that is a good step in the right direction....almost hard to believe all things considered.
In related news, my mom appears to be rather upset that I am walking down this path as she is convinced that "she is not the right person for you!!". Additionally, it is very clear that my mother remains angry that she hurt me to the extent that she did. Not much I can do about it - she communicates with me less for sure. In a nutshell, my stance has been that no one was hurt more through all of this that me and XW...no one. And if we can see the good in being together and learn to forgive and understand she should be able to as well. In the meantime, my XW and son remain a priority.
n related news, my mom appears to be rather upset that I am walking down this path as she is convinced that "she is not the right person for you!!". Additionally, it is very clear that my mother remains angry that she hurt me to the extent that she did. Not much I can do about it - she communicates with me less for sure. In a nutshell, my stance has been that no one was hurt more through all of this that me and XW...no one. And if we can see the good in being together and learn to forgive and understand she should be able to as well. In the meantime, my XW and son remain a priority.
Speaking as a mom of grown children that suffered D, it is natural for her to feel like she does. But it may be harder for her to forgive your XW than it was for you.....b/c your mother is not in love with her. When one is in love, it sure makes the forgiving easier.
I'm still pulling for you Crimson. Hope things work well for you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
When one is in love, it sure makes the forgiving easier.