Advice

[Jeack]

So my STBXW wants to meet to get a few things she left behind. But refuses to come to my house. Guess it would be to emotional for her. We have a mutual friend who agreed to just drop the stuff off to her. As much as i miss her and want to see her, I don't think it would be good since she filed for D. Opinions on what I should do

[AnotherStander]

When my W moved out I couldn't get her stuff out of the house fast enough. I put it in the garage and told her to come and get it (she did). So I'd just box it up and give it to the friend to drop off to her.

[Jeack]

Thanks thats what i'm doing she seemed taken back that i didn't want to meet her. Just didn't want to come off as a ass. i'm on a countdown now and need to make her realize what she's doing.

[reb9597]

My H took nearly all his stuff, but left his winter clothes etc. When it was clear he didn't want to work on M I threw everything into garbage bags & left on front porch. I needed to reclaim my space. It was liberating. We have no control over what they're doing to our families or our lives. You can only control yourself... and your space. Change the furniture around and make your space your own.

[Jeack]

Thanks reb, for the input. That's what i'm doing. Just was always told I was emotionally abusive and blah blah. So i guess i'm trying to be civil with a huge wall.

[Jeack]

Guess I'm still confused. Our friend fell asleep and never got her stuff to Him. She texted this morning asking if he got it. Told her he feel asleep. I told her I had a meeting tonight and may not see him. But I could either get it to him Thursday or drop it off to her work. I know she's made not signs of stopping the D. But we've done this before and the reconciled. I guess I'm just holding false hope.

I kind do want to see her, but I know I'll end asking if she sure this is what she wants blah blah. I just feel like I need to ask one more time. When I see her face to face. Or ask to meet for dinner and give her the stuff.

[AnotherStander]

Thanks thats what i'm doing she seemed taken back that i didn't want to meet her. Just didn't want to come off as a ass.

I don't understand, didn't you say that she refuses to come to your house? How is that YOU not wanting to meet HER?

[LBH_LC]

Jim,

I think this might be a typical thing for a WAS. On the day of my BD, my W packed to go housesit for a relative as previously arranged. The next time I saw her after that was over two months later in court. We talked about meeting and talking, but she continually backed out of it. She came over once and picked up more stuff once when she knew I would be at work. That felt wrong to me, and I asked her not to do it again. I moved out of there at the end of that month, and she finally picked up the rest of her stuff on the last possible day. She left a lot behind.

I know what you mean, I felt if I could just talk to her face-to-face after the BD, things might be different. Hell, maybe she did too, and maybe that's why she has avoided me ever since. I guess it's easier for us to believe things like that than to detach and accept things for what they are.

My advise is to you is to detach and act "as-if."

[Jeack]

She wanted to meet up. But just not at my house. Then I told her I'd just give the stuff to a mutual friend to give to her. She responded by text well ok I guess if you don't want to meet me. Also she could of texted friend this morning if he got her stuff rather than me. So I may be over analyzing the situation. But also wanting to see if its her reaching out a bit.

I haven't brought up any R talk at all in over a week. And I think when I told her my lawyer had already contacted hers it caught her off guard.

Just confused how to proceed.

[Jeack]

Keep in mind she is very sensitive and play a victim role alot. She said I was emotionally abusive. And trying to keep that in mind while having any conversation with her.