Lefty... I am unsure of Pandora, thats why I didn't answer... Don't know what that is.
I don't worry about oversharing because my h doesn't know much about computers.
What else do you need help with?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Well, I wonder if there is any hope for reconciliation. My W hasn't talked to me since January. Since then she made a false accusation to the police and she filed for a restraining order. (It's a long story, but she thinks I sent people to harass her at work and it is NOT true.) I guess all I can do is GAL and keep a PMA, but it is so hard to keep a PMA in this sitch. Has anyone ever heard of a M come back from a sitch like this?
I have made a decision to be different, and I think I have made some real and significant changes, but I still cannot forgive myself for ruining the best things that happened to me. It is frustrating that my W is not around to see the changes. Hell, I was about to make these changes right before the BD.
It seems like it very difficult to balance forgiving oneself and forgiving one's spouse. Many people just settle on blaming the spouse, and I cannot in good conscience do that. But I recognize it doesn't do any good to browbeat myself. Still, it is difficult to just shrug your shoulders and chalk it up to a learning experience.
I guess I should mention this is all probably muddled up with the death of my father six weeks prior to BD.
LC... beating yourself up over what has happened is pointless. It diminishes the very positive changes you have made.
From my own journey, I had to forgive myself because it was eating me up inside. It was filling me with even more anger than I was carrying. it is a dead weight I sure don't need to tote with me. Forgiving my W was not as hard as I thought it was going to be.
I came to the conclusion that does it really matter who did what to who when? Does it matter whether she threw a five pound bomb and I was only lobbing one pounders back? I figured we both contributed to the marriage to what made it what is today. Good and bad contributions.
Unburdening yourself from your guilt with true forgiveness will do for soul what the weight loss has done for your body! BTW... WTG for the weight loss. I lost 50 pounds last year... I know how hard it is to do.
Funny thing, my first wife approached me a year after our D was finalized... after having two children with OM (one while we were still married)... and saw the changes I had made in my life... she actually called me to talk about a R... Funny how stuff happens.
Keep the faith, brother...
“Things turn out best for the people who make the best out of the way things turn out” ― Art Linkletter
