The last few days have been very nice. H has been home during this time and I have really learned how to treat him as a roommate. I went full force with a family Easter, guest and all, as he sat in on the couch saying high to those who walked past. Once an old family friend came over he retreated to my bedroom and slept through dinner and laughter around the table, he was not missed.
I took the role as the family head and initiated prayer, as my S26 stepped in and handled carving the main course. We played family games afterward and my S24 made me his partner (taking his dad's roll) making it even and we kicked Cranium butt. Afterward, as I went in my room to lay down, H reflected on how he heard the laughter and enjoyed hearing the mature voices of our S's.
He stays away, but observes, he compliments, but wants not part of it, he brags to friends, but calls it our life (mine and kids). He wrote a friend saying the family has been at it for hours enjoying their Sun and it sounds like they are very close and happy. He was quite talkative to me the rest of the night (2am), finally eating and enjoy dessert leftovers, as I fell into a deep sleep. I woke to him over me making sure I was here and then holding me
I am happier these days mostly having to do with not seeking out his L or approval, not worrying about what is he doing w/ea, and focusing on moving forward. I am lonely but I'm not alone around all these guys, and I finally got to rub my S's GF's belly and feel the miracle of my developing grandson, it's a boy!
It's those days ahead, and the new or repeat of his sh!t I need to brace for, and have the strength to get through, and that darn MLC lingo, it makes me not want to hear his voice.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
