I just read & copy/pasted this from one of 25's posts on another thread -
II. Detachment
Detachment is critical to the process of altering and repairing a relationship.
Attached, we take personally all that is said, not said, done and not done.
Our ego gets wounded and we are more inclined to do/say things that undermine our goals. We can not control the actions of another. We are, however, responsible for our own actions. We are responsible for our own happiness.
If we are detached from the actions of another, we can meet anger or indifference with love. Met with love we are in a position to diffuse the situation and transform it in a way that will be in alignment with our goals.
On the flipside, detachment allows us to play it cool when we do get a positive reaction from our spouse. It is a way to break the distance/pursuer cycle.
Detachment is not withdrawal. It is not the mind saying, ‘I am not getting what I want so I must pull back.’
It is the natural acceptance that I am alone responsible for how I act. I can not control another person, but I can control how I respond to them."
^^ THIS is the ultimate goal. I had one of those days yesterday where I'm up to get a text from H, then down when he changes plans - CAN'T let it effect me so much! We'll practice detachment together.
But I don't think you need to pull back so much to avoid seeing him at S exchanges. Maybe if it'd be easier for you, but it sounds like it may be sending a hostile message to H. Just be up, PMA, hand off S with a big smile on your face, tell them to have a great time - then retreat and cry if you need to. It will get easier! Hang in there!
