first time & need help still

[albamarie]

Hi Nero,

Sometimes, I used to avoid this site as it fed my dep and sadness, ever feel that way? I am having much better days and Easter was actually really nice. I have learned to concentrate on the family and myself, treating H "as if" and only giving attention if I so chose, or if he approches me respectfully.

I am not "in L" with him anymore, not to say I don't have L for him, but the ''in L'' loss is what makes it easier to get over his sitch and focus on myself. If he was by some magic wand, to become a functioning man of society and his approach was toward me with all the things I've declared as my list-of-necessities in a partner, I could fall "in L" again. But, I no longer live by the hopes and dreams of a hurt sad women.

Nero, some things can't be unseen or unheard, do you really want your H to come in the room and sweep you away? Would you trust him, would you have the agony of knowing what you know now, could you forgive and move forward?
What are you waiting for or holding on to? Ask yourself that, look at him, listen to him, and really think about what your holding on to, do you want it back?

The're not going to move out any time soon! So, can you be a roommate, go on sharing your space while GAL, and not concern yourself with his? NC in any romantic or R way, just as a person who shares space and the extra needed financial help that it offers? Because Nero, that's what you got, that's what I have, it's time we get on board and move away from sadness, hurt, anger and live again while they...well....who cares!

He's not a happy man, no MLCer is a happy person, distance yourself and save your heart! That is all I have to offer myself and that's my advice to you, find the new single you, and show her the world. Hell, I'm married and tied but very willing to explore new opportunities. I read more often than not, if a M ends up in D it's not because the MLCer asked, it's because the LBS ran out of reasons to stay M.

I'm running out of reasons to even need him in my life at all! I picture myself a widow ( I know extreme, but not unusual) and I see a burden lifted, a full life ahead of me without the burned of the past, I see possibilities. Well ok, he's not going to meet his maker any time soon, so I have picture the reality of my life moving forward breaking away from him more and more. What does that look like to me....it looks hopeful, new, and a little exciting!