Not confused, still emotional, getting very angry

[BRNR]

However, when you give it up and then snatch it back again, nothing will happen.

I clearly see this is what is happening. Thanks for pointing out my flaws on this...something I have to try and work on.

Once again you are waffling...this tells me that you do not know what you want.

You can say that again...the stretches are getting longer with the way that I feel though...maybe I am fearful, of what, I don't know.

Trust me when I say this, w/mlc, divorce will not give you closure.

Then what does. i thought an apology would, but I got that in the form of an insincere MLC scripted email. I am not sure that will be enough for me anymore to get closure or even be at peace. I guess more soul searching is in order.

Do not "assume" anything when it comes to your spouse. He may or may not be w/that particular ow. He could be hiding n his rabbit hole, sitting and staring at 4 walls. He could be out w/the guys or working...we, the lbs, tend to "assume" and some of the time, those assumptions are incorrect.

I see the problem with this...it keeps me in my frustration. I guess it just shows how hurt I am, and maybe I have buried it too far to stay strong for my boys.

You are a fixer and want to fix this situation and you can't.

I am a fixer, but I don't want to fix this situation, I am trying to fix me though. I feel broken emotionally.

It's a lot of hard work when it comes to reconcilation.

And I question this everyday...if it ever got to that point would I want to put in the hard work? I am not sure that I am putting in the work now.

My question to you is this...do you love this man? If so, then give him the time and space to figure himself out.

Yes I do. But to me and maybe others, space and time just seems to make the problems bigger, and I am finding that may be influencing my thoughts a lot. Don't forget, I am getting space and time too. Working to figure myself out.

You don't want him home the way he is right now.

Ain't that the truth...I definitely see that. And in NO ways, have I, or would I allow him to return the way he is. Especially seeing how most premature returns end up. I don't want to go through that hurt again.

The stress, the unknown, the lies, and the nasty/crazy behavior was enough for me to say enough.

And this is what I am trying to express...while my H is not at home, he is seen by me and the kids most days at least once. And this behavior continues in him. And this behavior is also being imposed onto the kids.

I know that I am still waffling...and most of these emotions are my own and nothing H has really brought on...the Mission Impossible emotional roller coaster at times seems to take over, mostly when I am alone. I am trying to gain peace with what is happening now. More work needed, but I think I am fumbling along...