I haven't had a chance to speak with W about the A message she sent. I really don't know what to say but "thank you" and leave it at that. I'm working on me right now. I can't make any commitments to her and frankly I think she's not ready for that.
So I'll journal a bit...
I was thinking this morning that our marriage has been like my goal to finish my FAA certification. I had the permission to take the exams for over 10 years. There was always something that came up to preclude me from studying and I put off again and again and again. Now finally I'm getting to the end of my career and I needed to get it accomplished. Once I put my energy to studying and taking the first exam, I was like, "You've got to be kidding! It wasn't that difficult."
So I simply "needed to get off the ladder if I wasn't going to paint." Now that the initial fear and hesitation is over, I'm down to my last exam. I plan on finishing in May.
So with our marriage, I just need to start working hard and don't let anything get in my way to start the LL's and 180's to begin to show her I care enough to change my ways.
