I do understand where you're coming from, as much as a person without kids can of course, and one who hasn't walked your road.
You know what struck me about your last post (or second last...not the fart one ;-))? That you said it's hard to look at yourself, that you've had trouble with feelings your whole life, that you've buried, hidden, denied them. My H said the same things to me, but specifically connected to what he'd been through. It changes people deep in their core. Trust in one's self, one's judgement falters. Feelings become too much to bear so we don't. I don't know that your difficulties with feelings and questioning of your judgement are rooted in your trauma, but it might be worth exploring. I see so much in what you write that your power as been taken away and that makes me sad.
An in terms of whether or not your H intends to dominate, abuse, humiliate, shame...it's not that simple. He might not mean to, he might approach it as just horsing around, but that might also very well not be the effect on the recipient of his behavior.
Oh, and the notion that denying sex to a husband is emasculating (from your first post on this page)? Wives don't "owe" their husbands sex. Rather, it's one of the benefits of an intimate relationship. It certainly can be coerced or purchased, but that's not what we're talking about. And there are two people in a relationship, not just the husband. I don't know what you mean specifically about your H's approach and your not liking it, but you're a human being too and he could have talked about and responded to your needs and desires.
You're a good person, Ad, and don't ever forget that.
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
