Wife has an IC session scheduled for tomorrow. Not really sure what she wants to get out of it. I don't think she is either. I really think that she's just looking for a "professional" to validate her desire to get a divorce.
I've been keeping up with the physical touch over the past few days. Putting my arm around her, kissing her cheek, petting her hair, etc. Nothing overtly sexual in nature. She doesn't pull away. A couple of times I sensed that she didn't want it, so backed off. A few times, it seemed as though she welcomed it. Last night in bed, I moved my foot over onto hers before we went to to sleep. She stayed in contact with me. Is this a sign of something good? Who knows? Only she does. But she says nothing and I don't ask.
A few nights ago she went out with her friends. She came back home at 3:15am. She never said where they went. I didn't ask. I did backslide and let my frustration show when I expressed irritation at being awakened at 5:30am when she got back home from dropping her girlfriend off. She told me that another one of her friends doesn't catch any crap from her husband. (That may be because her husband is well aware of the fact that she isn't happy here and wants to move back to Europe.)
I told her that I felt I was much improved over how I was this past summer. And that I was hoping we could work things out between us. She told me she hoped we could too. I believed what she said. I do know that as you all say that was how she felt at that moment.
Wife was on the phone tonight with that girlfriend. They were talking about what kind of careers they want to pursue. Three of the girls are considering going to school. I mentioned something about their husbands having the ability to make it easier for them to go to school. My wife came back with "it might be easier if we split up and we had shared custody because then you would have the kids half the time." I thought that was a pretty selfish statement, but it pretty much goes right along with the selfishness I have been experiencing over the past 6 months.
Well, I knew that the baby steps that I thought I was witnessing might mean nothing, and that she may run away after getting closer to me. I'm still in the MBR, so that's good.
Looking for signs of good things, but trying not to set myself up for getting crushed.
