I completely disagree with this^^^. You still have interactions. You have children. You can verbalize appreciation for anything she does that helps you or the kids. Those are 'words of affirmation". In fact I'll pass on what my DB coach told me to do, which was to "applaud loudly for the 1% of positives she does". Sounds gimmicky and it is NOT easy to do, but it helps.
Do it without any expectations of reciprocity and make that clear by either writing it in a quick note or text or saying it on your way out the door. That way she'll know you were not standing there hoping for "payback".
Similarly, if there are ANY repairs or errands she usually does OR has to ask you to do, (car repairs, picking something or someone one up, getting the medicine, the dog groomed, etc)
then YOU do them before she asks AND you don't make a big deal about how hard it was or what a sacrifice it was. That way it will look like a genuinely kind action of yours, and Not a tactic.
Make sense?
At this point anything you do that even remotely has signs of trying to fix the marriage will be percieved as manipulating her into changing her mind for your own good. Sorry but I disagree with this^^ as well. "Anything you do"...means he should do nothing? Look, it's not going to be seen As manipulation if it is done correctly.
You are trying to show her you are CHANGING...otherwise it's more of the nothing from you to her.
Too many LBSers decide to hold TIGHT to the "don't pursue!" mantra and basically talk themselves into doing nothing new or different
but they self righteously tell themselves they are "standing for their marriage" when in realtiy they are giving in to inertia, and complacency--which is at best, what got them where they are in the first place.
I too am in a situation where the WAW took off her ring and has said she has no interest in marriage counseling or fixing the marriage. She is set on the D.
Our only chance of getting them back at this point is to GAL and let them go...Sounds crazy and trust me I still think it is. But I do understand the philosophy to let them go and if it is meant to be they will come back. GAL and detaching are key but they are not in a vacuum. When there are children, there are interactions.
If there has been mistreatment, as is the case here, then NEW behaviors around her are essential. Period.
If it is not meant to be, Make sure you are taking a step back and acknowledging what you did to hurt the M. So then you can use this gift of time to help yourself and make you a better person.
GAL, Detach, Let her go.......Trust me its hard...I am doing the same thing as we speak
M 33 w 32 M 5 months S 1 month
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
