Btw, since full business is his name he could change that acces to bank account.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
So why are you the one who left the house again? How is your D taking all of this? Just take it day by day and stop trying to rush things because of your anxiety.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
MrBond... he is co-owner of that house with his mom. D is my life-line.. she gives me strength. I lean on her too much, which is just awful. I will do day by day.. less stressful. I agree.
cbtdad... we get along. Even throughout our separation, he would not screw me over. As soon as I can, I will get the business in my name too. He is a fair guy, with a concience (unlike my ex-h). We will not need a lawyer for our stuff. After 22 years I am still completing my sitch with ex-h... I will not go through that again. Not worth it financially. Whatever, h & I agree on will be far better than being violated by my lawyer again!
cbtdad... why did u think I will push him off the cliff? Don't let me DO THAT!! We are able to get along businessy/friendly. He cares for me and feels responsible towards my daughter. He would not leave us in a mess.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I don't know if you notice how quickly your attitude changes towards him. One minute you're saying that you're a doormat and that he's dangling a carrot in front of you and that he only cares about biz, etc. Then the next you say how he cares for you and your D, is a good man, etc.
This is why you need to calm yourself.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
yep mrb... I do need to calm the "f" down. I have to remember, how lucky I am. h has not written me off just yet, there isnt OW, we speak frequently through the day, he is not put off/scared to be around me, i know he still cares/loves us. He is not against reconcilliation. These are all good things. I am luckier than alot of people on this site.
Yes, I am a doormat (I cater to his whims/demands and act based on his emotions). Yes, part of his sales tactics is to bait/keep on the hook (he did this for marriage and now worried for r too). HE IS EXTREMELY STUBBORN & selfish. However, he is a good man.
I am paranoid to lose him. I am db'ing my little butt off the best I can. Mark today as another day I didn't screw up. April is a new month & my goal is to not R talk or temp check. I really need to calm down and find patience. I pray (180) and am trying to put my heart and head into God's hands.
Someone mentioned breathing techniques ... where can I find out more about them? I have also looked into the Power of Now audio tapes (even though I have read the book in the past).
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
The alternative is to continue to wallow in the muck, play the victim, and leave your happiness/agony level in his/her hands. Not only does this hurt you, but it also is very unattractive and hurts your chances of R.
Not detached: H happy, you're happy. H angry, you're angry. H sad, you're sad. Detached: H happy, you're happy. H angry, you're happy. H sad, you're happy.
Think of the most patient you've ever been in your life. That is about 1/100th of the kind of patience you're going to need in the coming months. Patience, patience, patience!
any other good ones I am missing?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I challenge you to go the next 2 days with no mention of H
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"Yes, I am a doormat (I cater to his whims/demands and act based on his emotions)"
But that is YOUR choice. Honestly I haven't seen any indication where he steps all over you. He raises a huff and acts stubborn and like a child but it doesn't mean he walks all over you. Either way, you can't say he treats you bad AND he's a great guy at the same time. I just wanted to point out how the flip flopping sounds.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"Not detached: H happy, you're happy. H angry, you're angry. H sad, you're sad. Detached: H happy, you're happy. H angry, you're happy. H sad, you're happy. "
This is a very good short summary of detachment ^^^ I am going to be very honest with you it is difficult. I even struggle with it today and my M is moving in the right direction. But sometimes when my W gets down she brings me down with her and I have to smack myself in the head or GAL
