Another dollar in my one-man show

[25yearsmlc]

Hi,
I've been thinking and what has been asked id's hard to do.
I don't have three things to do on top of what I already said.

most of what you said is very generic. e.g., like "welcome feedback" and "get Dialogue"...

try to be specific.

Specificity is more credible and It gives you clarity and is easier to measure.

Seek feedback and welcome it with gratefulness, is already a big step.


(SIGH) really?

Bruce, I mean no offense by this question, but have you had many long term relationships before?

See, seeking and welcoming feedback from our spouse (or friends for that matter, or family members)
is what most people do in relationships, from the start


Seeing W differently in another big switch of attitude.


apparently so, but it's long overdue. It created a lot of the problems that got you here even if you don't see that.

AND Given that is how I see it, you may realize that could be her view too...


Not looking for dialogue is a big thing for me. but I know that seeking contact is counter productive.

Yes if it is counter productive for now....So just - BE HERE - and absorb some changes and let them sink in.

For your son it's probably a bit exciting and chaotic, and maybe traumatic.. Give him time. Give your wife time b/c I bet it's very scary and painful for her to have him gone all those times and to know he's with you and in her mind, you are not a source of safety or comfort to him...

I worry that since you are very slow to make any changes in you, but yet you ask for more suggestions and you say you are "as usual all ears" to them. I am not sure you've taken many of our ideas of much of our advice anyhow...

But so little real change takes place in you and what does occur is such a minimal "given" to us--

*** I'm not sure you realize that the Goal right now is

CREATING STABILITY, in a time of change for your son & getting to know him and letting him get to know and feel comfortable around You...those are the goals for now...period.

TIl your wife gets used to the idea that you actually want TIME with your son, even without her, she'll be suspicious of you and your motives.

And only time and consistent change on your end, will change that^^.


reconciliation is not on my mind anymore for the moment but taking care of my son is number 1.

great to hear

I have him overnight every other friday and I am so tired, the sweet bugger woke up at 5h45.

yes well, those mornings after a LESS than full night sleep are tough.

So think hard about how this...

think about how it would be if you had him every other full weekend AND half the weekdays...b/c that's 50% custody Before you see this as a competition, be careful what you wish for...


I brought him back im I miss him so much.


^^ can you translate that? You brought him where?

Lack of ideas on what more to do, if you have suggestions I'm as usual all ears and I thank you in advance for all your help.
Bruce

"ideas of what more to do"...meaning? More to do With your son?

Get the book and it'll give you a ton of suggestions for activities with him.

Did you get one? I mentioned it months ago and again a few weeks ago.

OR did you mean more ideas about your wife? B/c no I have no more ideas atm and don't think one ought to.

You just have to stand still for a bit and let her see you in this light.

You are a man getting to know his son. She did NOT see you that way before and probably still doesn't.

So Bruce, for now, show her a man who is NOT expecting or demanding or asking for anything more than that for now. Do Not maneuver for more...(which is what you are asking about when you say "open to more ideas", even though you just said you are Not trying to reconcile atm)

that^^^my friend, is more cognitive dissonance...which is when I realize you don't seem to know yourself well.

But as you father your son more, you will learn a lot about who you are and hopefully you'll become the best man you can be.

THat's the one upside to this ordeal.

Just learn to be his dad for now.