Remember, she is having an emotional affair because WE were not living up to our end of being the best husband we can be....Ans also remember too, As much as it hurts to have our wives lean on another man for emotional suppurt......."its only emotional, not physical" ....Could be much worse.
I truly don't mean to kick you when you're down, JT35, but I couldn't disagree with this any more strongly. "A" some people have affairs even in happy marriages -- affairs have more to do with senses of entitlement, poor boundaries and other, MUTUAL unhealthy marital dynamics as they do with the betrayed spouse "not living up to their end." Yes, absolutely sometimes that is true, and it may be even more than 50% of the time. But infidelity researchers/authors/counselors like Spring, Tupy, Harley, Gottman and others have all reported how anywhere from 15% - 30% of affairs happen in previously pretty healthy and happy marriages.
And then of course there's just good old-fashioned LUST.
"B," a man (and it's always us guys who make this mistake!) take AT THEIR PERIL a position of it's "only" an emotional affair! Ask any WOMAN, and she will tell you that the emotional connection and intimacy is even more important to them than the physical, and that's why women are often devastated when their husbands have an EA, and the poor guy tries to say "But I haven't slept with her!"
I do agree with your "let her go and fix YOU" advice, provided he doesn't leave the marital home. The one having the affair should always be the one to leave, if they feel they can't be together anymore.
