PON.. I am letting my fear of losing my h run my business. But, how else can I look at this? I am so invested its not funny. If I don't continue to invest, his strategy for saving our business is at stake.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
WFM. Then start treating him as business partner and do NOT worry about losing him. You get it? Act as if he was ME. What would say to me if I were your partner and I was going to make a poor business decision. That is my opinion.
On the R side of things sorry I don't see you making much progress. What are doing to work on yourself? Seriously? You are still hyper focused on your H. You let yourself walk on eggshells. You do realize this is your character flaw, not his.
I don't think its a poor business decision, but it is a poor personal decision for me.. which is why I think its surfacing NOW. I am thinking of ME!
As for me not making any progress... Really? I am GAL (go out every weekend), and trying to stand up for myself as conversations arise.
Tell me what I would look/sound like if I was not hyper focused.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Friday ~ went visiting an old male friend & met his new live-with girlfriend. As this was my first visit with friend since my BD, I practically cried the entire time. They said it was ok. And they want to spend more time & involve me in their lives this summer. Keep me busy. ... I am greatful for this!
Saturday ~ worked then went out to see friends band play locally. Danced and met my girlfriends NEW bf's family. Was nice to meet new people & hung out with his kids too. Learned new dance moves... LOL
Sunday ~ sad, lonely day. Not sure what to do on holiday's or time off. Don't like these days. Read DB. Talked/analyzed my R with daughter. Thought about buying Roller Blades.
Monday ~ not focusing on H (trying not to anyway... keep telling myself that I deserve a better relationship), trying to get tax papers ready, business emails, etc. Getting through the day.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I am feeling worried that my h is possibly keeping me baited to continue in our business."
Mindreading. You're getting paranoid again. Might be a result of the meds.
"What do I say to him? This is more pressure. And I can't stop stressing and losing sleep/weight over all this !!!"
You know how you do this? By detaching.
"But, how else can I look at this?"
By not being afraid. Keep business and personal separate. I know you're going to say "but I can't do that! etc. etc. etc." Bottom line is this. If you are afraid of losing money for yourself, tell your H about it. If he dismisses you, you tell him that 'no' it's your future and financial stability you are worried about that he can't dismiss it like that. You don't live with him so aren't obliged to listen to him. Keep it strictly business-like. It would be better if you had an exit plan and say that if you don't see a profit, then you will be doing xyz.
"Tell me what I would look/sound like if I was not hyper focused."
If you weren't hyper-focused, you wouldn't be spending 4 pages worth of posts on just one interaction with your H. You would start talking about the positives in your life more than the negatives.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
ok MrBond. I know it may be mindreading, but... knowing who my h is.. baiting & carrot dangling is what he does. I just am realizing that he may be doing this to me now too. Never saw it before..... so don't want to be motivated to do business transactions just to "keep my reconcilliation" a possibility. I don't want him to have that control over me & use it. An exit plan only is thought of, if we cannot be in a rel'p. I cannot imagine doing this business outside of one. He would have way too much control over me. He is thinking of profit and that is why he wants to purchase more inventory to protect our other inventory. We have kind of a niche market/ a monopoly so to speak. If competition gets a hold of these products, our inventory is at risk. This does keep my funds tied up and me living here at my parents much longer. While he sits comfy in our place with all my belongings.
I am paranoid.. yes... do you think its the meds? As mentioned im on cipralex (AD), I understood it was for anxiety as well.
I will find positives.... I will keep looking for some. What do you think of my weekend? I do say "YES" to every invite. Sure hope there is something going on this weekend. (fingers crossed)
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
WFM, I truly feel bad for you. It seems as though you have a serious choice to make. Give up the business with H and possibly save your marriage down the road or continue this business with him and push him off the cliff until he doesn't speak to you and wants out of business as well. Hope y'all have buy-sell agreements and things in place
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
OUCH..lol cbtdad... Really, u think i will push him off the cliff? Don't let me DO THAT!! We are able to get along businessy.
Buy/sell agreement? No... what is THAT?
H is a fair man. Right now the entire business is in his name only. I have full access to the bank account. (for whatever that is worth). His intentions are to pay me what the business owes me first (initial investment value). He insists on this. Then again, he wants to buy more inventory first. GEEZ.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
You need to be really careful. I buy/sell agreement spells out what happens I one of our want out. But since its solely in his name there is no need for one. Buy/sell agreements are usually put in place for partners in a business.
M 37 W 30 S 7 Together 10 years Married 9 years BD: 12/12/12(W filed same day) I moved to apartment 1/11/13 W and S moved to MIL 1/11/13 Peicing: 6/3/13 Reconciled: 7/2013 BD2: 4/20/16 still working on it
