Is there light at the end of the tunnel?

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks AJ. I could have used your thoughts on what to make for Easter breakfast but I think I did okay. ; )

You know, lately I feel strangely at peace. I've given this whole sitch up to God and tried to do some real soul searching about who I am and what I want to be. Can I be "me" with H? Good question because I don't think I've been the real me for years. Like for instance the past few years I've turned into a clean freak. One to make sure my kids grow up in a clean environment but two because I think I was proving to myself that I could do it. I was always accused of being a slob by my friends and family. Now I know I can do it but I don't need to go to such extremes. When I think about how much time and energy I put into making my house clean and practically sterile I just shake my head. All that time and energy I should have put into spending time with my kids and watching them grow. Never again. Ever!! I am re-evaluating my priorities.

S has a friend and the friends little brother over. D is downstairs with them while I make cookies. I love these times. I always wished I could be a stay St home mom but pretended I didnt want to be because H would not hear of it. He said it wasn't fair for him to work all day while I stayed home eating Bon bons. Yes, because raising children is that easy. So I always burnt the candle at both ends and worked and raised my children. I hold no anger about it but I do often wish I could go back. But it is what it is.

So trying to roll with the changes. Kinda like que sera sera...you know the rest.

WH