I was just catching up on your sitch and upon reading about your H grabbing your sons crotch and then the notion of peeing on people in the shower I could not read another word. I am absolutely mortified by this. How long has this behavior been going on? Did he do this to them as children?
While your sons might shrug it off for the moment you can be certain that this form of inappropriate touching and behavior by THEIR FATHER who is supposed to teach them to guard and respect their bodies will have deep and lasting impacts. At the very least they are learning that this form of touching by people who weild power over them is ok.
As their mother please make it stop. Would you tolerate them touching their children, your grandchildren, this way in the future? What would be the result if your H were to try this with someone else's child? Or if your sons were to try it with their peers? Or with kids younger than them? Or is this "a secret", something that stays in the family?
Abuse is about power. The crotch grabbing, peeing on others, name calling, is all about power. It is abusive. It is not light hearted goofing around. And did I see "bro-shower"? Do your teenage sons shower together? I'm hoping its a euphemism for something else as boys entering sexual maturation really shouldn't be showering together.
And your IC telling you that you need to learn to be ok with physical aggression that triggers bad memories for you??? GET ANOTHER IC!!! That person is not validating your experiences and is saying your boundaries dont matter. Clearly s/he is not experienced with the fallout of abuse and victimization. Anybody who is would tell you in no uncertain terms that your H is treating you and your children inappropriately.
Ad, you are so strong and you've been through so much. But this abuse, it's horrible. Please see it for what it is. The thing with bullies and abusers is they are really averse to change.
me 45 H 46 T 5 M 2.5 BD Sept 6 2011 OW Sept 8 2011 Threw him out Sept 8 2011
