Back to the picnic

[needgrace]

NG
Do not carry the confidence that you are better than OW.. carry the confidence in who you are regardless of your W or OW.

Because as much as it hurts - people are entitled to make their own choices about who they want in their lives.

Live by your own moral code and let OW and W lives by there's.

Stand proud in your own selfworth.

Thank you, Val, very very true.

The last time i saw W, she implied that things might be different now if i had not pressed her when she first had interest in OW. i said that she could not work on our M at the same time she was hanging out with OW and she chose to hang out with OW... i think that is what motivated my statement, wondering if i had displayed enough confidence to sit and give her some space if things might have ended up differently. but then tbh i think that statement by W may just be her way to justify things on her end.

And regret is useless unless it motivates awareness and change.

Thank you, Val, your last sentence... I am working on that one. I realize that much of my self-worth is based on other's perceptions of me, instead of my own.

[needgrace]

I suggest you make a list (wasn't it Zig who came up with a bunch of lists?). This list will be things you will do to snap out of it. First you need to identify what got you in the hole. Let's say it was the movie...

Ok so if you're planning on watching a sad movie be prepared for the water works and pull out your list and makes plans to do it ALL, if need be!


However when I do get sad, I quickly tell myself 'this feeling will pass. I've gotten out of this rut before.' And I DO! Everytime I do it's a little fast than before.

I hope this helps ;-)

Thank you, 2. I think that the movie, while it was sad, gave me more compassion for myself. I felt a need to watch it, as if I were finally ready to go there.

That is a great idea, a list of activities. Yes, the sadness does pass much quicker for me as well. I think it is coming up more right now bc we are in the final phases of the D paperwork. I think there are also layers related to family. All of it is creating more self awareness and opportunity for growth

[needgrace]

Okay so I mailed out the settlement check and some info to her L. After I placed the stamp on the envelope, I noticed the stamp said "Freedom Forever." Is that some sort of sign?

[keep_going]

((((((((((Grace)))))))))

[Valeska19]

The last time i saw W, she implied that things might be different now if i had not pressed her when she first had interest in OW. i said that she could not work on our M at the same time she was hanging out with OW and she chose to hang out with OW... i think that is what motivated my statement, wondering if i had displayed enough confidence to sit and give her some space if things might have ended up differently. but then tbh i think that statement by W may just be her way to justify things on her end.

You have mentioned this a couple of times... and time and time again you have been advised to let it go.

But I know how hard that can be. My x says things like that every time we see each other. And every time I buy a ticket to get on that rollercoaster.

So if you can't let it go - here is another thought.

Make her eat her words..

And I don't mean that in a vindictive way. I mean in that you have had an awakening way. Take every negative thing she believes to be to true about you and change it (Whilst protecting yourself financially during the D).

By becoming the best NG, you make harder and harder for her to blame you. You clean her mirror.

At the same time, the new you will just radiate. It will radiate because it is your new truth.

And she will notice. Your community is too small for her not to.

And when she does... she will think back to what she said earlier and ask herself if what she accused you of was really true.

.... and in that moment, that is when change MIGHT happen.

[LBH_LC]

Beautifully said, Valeska.

[bustingout]

Amazing Val. :-)

[needgrace]

val, thank you sweet friend for your words of encouragement about becoming and being my best self. i truly am working towards that goal..

You have mentioned this a couple of times... and time and time again you have been advised to let it go.

i felt defensive after reading this quote and started to write a defense but am going to sit with it and think about it because you have probably touched a nerve that needs to be explored... and for that, i thank you too.

[needgrace]

I read these lyrics today and wondered what everyone thinks:

"I'll give you countless amounts of outright acceptance, if you want it. I will give you encouragement to choose the path that you want, if you need it. You can speak of anger and doubts, your fears and freak outs, and I'll hold it. You can share your so-called shame filled accounts of times in your life, and I won't judge it; and there are no strings attached to it...

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give. You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have. I give you thanks for receiving it, it's my privilege, and you owe me nothing in return.

You can ask for space for yourself, and only yourself, and I'll grant it. You can ask for freedom as well, or time to travel, and you'll have it. You c an ask to live by yourself or love someone else and I'll support it. You can ask for anything you want, anything at all, and I'll understand it; and there are no strings attached to it.

I bet you're wondering when the next payback shoe will eventually drop. I bet you're wondering when my conditional police will force you to cough up. I bet you wonder how far you have now danced you way back into debt. THIS IS THE ONLY KIND OF LOVE, AS I UNDERSTAND IT, THAT THERE REALLY IS.

You can express your deepest of truths even if it means I'll lose you, and I'll hear it. You can fall into the abyss on your way to your bliss, I'll empathize with. You can say that you have to skip town to chase your passion, and I'll hear it. You can even hit rock bottom, have a mid-life crisis, and I'll hold it; and there are no strings attached to it.

You owe me nothing for giving the love that I give. You owe me nothing for caring the way that I have. I give you thanks for receiving it, it's my privilege, and you owe me nothing in return."

—"You owe me nothing in return" by Alanis Morissette

[labug]

I saw that today, too. Food for thought.