Thanks for the support and insight. A lot of what was said really rings home for me. I know so much of this falls on me, but I feel that some of it may have been a little harsh. Perhaps I portrayed something in my previous posts that suggested I was more spiteful or vindictive than I am. I have not asked my W to move out because of her actions regarding other man. I have not tried to control them. I simply made it clear that it will not be rubbed in my face on my property. I really don't think that is being out of line.
I know I have some issues with anger controlling me. Although, I would say that I am a very normal individual in that regard. It is not like I am screaming, raging, or putting my fist through the wall. I get hurt, I revert to anger to control that hurt. Do I need to work on that, yes I cearly do. I realize it, and I will try to make a conscious effort to better myself by working on it.
A lot of you have pointed out how hard of a person I was to live with and how "poor W" just couldn't put up with it any longer. That very well may be true, but W was NOT an innocent victim. I agree that I could have done many many things better, but some things I did an OUTSTANDING job at as a husband, father and friend. My W also had similar traits, some things she was great at and some things in her really contributed to the demise of our marriage. Now, I realize I am the only one who wanted to save our marriage and therefore I was the only one who could really make the changes to do so, but I still don't feel it is fair to make me out to be this horrible individual that brow beat and controlled my W into submission....because I didn't.
The more this goes forward, the more I realize that my W has really REALLY canged. Perhaps she is doing it for self survival, but it is clear to me that something has switched gears inside of her. She simply is not the same person she once was. I am not referring to the way her and I interact, but literally in her overall personailty with everyone. She is swimming in her own mind and actions. She is making every effort to distance herself from her friends and family, but at the same time wallowing in self pity that she is not being treated with open arms by everyone she used to associate with.
There was a point this weekend where a large group of friends and family were sitting around a campfire. W came and joined us. I was cordial. She interacted with D. She chatted. I chatted. Slowly, every single person left. They all later told me it was because they were uncomfotable around W. Towards the end of the night, it was only the hosts of the campfire, along with me, W and D sitting there. W laughed so hard at my jokes. She engaged me. She engaged everyone, just like she would have a year ago. The only difference was, she told me she was serving me with Divorce papers only 2 days before. I had to excuse myself and leave with D. It is just too strange for me. It is like she wants to continue the life we had, but be free of all burdens of being involved with me directly. She wants to be friends with me on her terms, not truly a friend for me, but she wishes for me to be a friend to her. That is simply something I cannot offer. I cannot be a doormat that is reminded constantly about how she is leaving me to move on with her life.
I hate that my focus is spearheaded directly back at W and Mariage. I am honestly trying to GAL and DB to the best of my ability. It is just so difficult for me right now. The constant "WEIRD" interactions with W are just spinning me around and around. It is spinning everyone we know. She is trying SOOOOOO hard to portray that she is happy and content with her decisions, but it is clear that she is about to lose control. I honestly feel she is possibly getting close to a breakdown of some sorts. I just have to stay strong for D and for myself. I can't allow this to destroy me as well.
