I know this sukks, Inc -- I was there too, myself, six years ago this month is when it began. If you want to read up on my sitch (and it's a LOT of posts!), I'll put the links up. I used to go by Chocolateeyes and then Puppy Dog Tails before I was "Starsky."
One thing's for sure, and that's that the weak/needy/clingy supplicating thing DOESN'T work. I guarantee you she doesn't find it attractive, and now is not the time to try to be "speaking her love language" (she'll only see it as "pursuing" -- a big DBing no-no). That time will come later, if and when she ends her affair, and you two are piecing.
I also disagree with what others said on your other thread about seeing an atty. If your wife is actively talking about divorce (and I guarantee you that she has been working on this "exit plan" for many many months), you are ALREADY BEHIND THE CURVE. You should immediately get an initial consultation with a good family law attorney. It DOESN'T mean you have to file for divorce, or even do ANYTHING other than know what your rights and responsibilities and potential threats are right now. Basically, your wife is controlling things right now and she does NOT have your marriage's best interests at heart as she does this!
Go learn more, and don't tell her what you're doing. This is for YOU.
Be civil and courteous to her, but not "Mr. Melty Man" as you start to put together your plan.
