Seeking the support of this great community...

[labug]

Have you read the Love Languages book? You can begin to understand her LL and interact with her in that way, or from that place inside you.

One thing she has kept repeating was that I can't change, that we have been drifting apart for years, that she has tried to show me she was unhappy and I've been blind and that she has done all the work in our relationship without reaping any of the benefits. I want to give so badly right now.
This is the heart of the matter, but there are 2 sides to this story. This "she has tried to show me she was unhappy" doesn't ever work but she was probably taught that to state your needs is weak and needy. (is she in a science also?) That's just for background, you can't fix her.

What you wrote above is great. You're on the right path even tho I'm sure it seems you must do something to stop the hemorrhaging.

Give her time and space. Be kind, loving and courteous when you're together.

You can change but it will take her awhile to see and believe it.