The conversation last night initially went very poorly. She told me what she has been saying all along, which is that she wants out. She upped the ante, saying that she is going to start looking for an apartment today. I told her I understood. I was very calm, tried to remain positive, not look like I was hurting. I made the conversation very short and I basically said that unless she had anything new to say, I was going to leave so I could process. I went out and talked with some friends and when I came home, we ended up talking for a couple hours about life, how we have gotten to this point, what is wrong with us, and all that. I feel like it was a very productive conversation, and I think that some things were said that were very eye-opening to both of us. It was a very civil talk, without any extreme emotions being tossed around. At the end she still felt the same way she did at the beginning (that she was sure she wanted out, she was going to start looking for an apartment, etc), but she did say that she still needed to "process" a lot of what was said. I'm not really sure how to take that.
One thing she has kept repeating was that I can't change, that we have been drifting apart for years, that she has tried to show me she was unhappy and I've been blind and that she has done all the work in our relationship without reaping any of the benefits. I want to give so badly right now.
In DR Michele says something really insightful about loving your spouse the way THEY want to be loved. I think we have both been loving each other the way WE want to be loved. I want to provide for and protect her, that is how I show my love. She wants to be supported emotionally more and have a life fully of excitement. I realize now (probably too late) that to really love my wife, I have to love her on her terms, and I never really understood what that meant before.
I am going to let her have what she wants. I hope she can change her mind or see the change in me and us.
I am very sad but I am keeping a strong face in front of her and my daughter at this point.
Tomorrow morning is my first session with my DB coach. I can't wait. I think it will be very helpful.
ME 30. Wife 31. Married 4 years. Together 10. One child, 17months old. Bomb Dropped 3/25/13 Wife wants a divorce. I had no idea.
