SP- 25 really made the points well so I'll just add that I know all about catastrophic thinking. I like to wallow in it! Sometimes I feel like Eeyore on Winnie the Pooh, LOL! Early in my sitch I was convinced that if W left it would be the end of life as we know it for both her and me, and the kids too. We'd both suffer huge financial loss. The kids would suffer in school and at home. Their grades would plummet and they'd develop a new fatalistic view of marriage and life in general. It was a future that scared the hell out of me. I think all the anxiety attacks I started having were a direct result of my fear of the future. So here I am, almost 7 months since W moved out. Has it hurt us financially? Yeah, but not to the extent I expected, we've both cut back on some splurges but not all. The kids continue to do outstanding in school and while they're bothered by the sitch, they're content and happy and doing great. I've been off of anti-depressants for over a month now and have had zero anxiety and zero depression. ALL of my fears were unfounded. ALL of my worries and anxiety and depression were dragging me into a place that was preventing me from detaching and moving forward and allowing my W to move forward.
You've got to let go of the fear and the catastrophic attitude. It took the anti-depressants to shake me out of that and focus on what really mattered- making the BEST of my situation. Being the BEST father to my kids, the BEST friend to my W, the BEST man I can be. A man with an optimistic view of the future, with an abundance of PMA, a man who is confident, secure, content and independent.
I think maybe, deep inside, you want your W to fail. I think I did too. I wanted her to be "taught a lesson" that she cannot live life without me because she NEEDS me for everything from fixing the toilet to managing her finances. But I was the one that needed to be taught a lesson, and that is that NO ONE on this green earth NEEDS me. People die every day and those they leave behind survive and thrive without them, and so it is with our spouses when they move on from the marriage. If I were to die tomorrow I'm sure I would be grieved, but I am not a necessary cog in the universe. It will not stop running just because I'm removed from the picture.
So, recognize your place in life, it isn't to be the means of support of others, they don't need you for that. Your W doesn't need you, your kids don't need you. Be content with that. So what IS this thing called life? I'm still trying to figure that out myself, but at the core it is to LIVE it and ENJOY it! People don't NEED you, so make them WANT you!! Be a life force to others! Be someone attractive, magnetic, happy! DRAW others to you! Be that and your W just might be drawn to you as well!!
Originally Posted By: 25yearsmlc
well then I need to learn to do quotes better OR use a different color. Mach1 says it helps to use BLUE
instead of RED...
does it?
I'm colorblind too, you started out with color 990000 red which was easier for us to see, but then you switched to 660000 red which I can barely tell from black. But blue, you can never go wrong with blue
